25th Anniversary Weekend to Ourselves!

In celebration of our 25th wedding anniversary, Gary and I decided to go away overnight and leave the kids at home--the first time, yes, ever, since we had kids. That is the first time we went off by ourselves overnight in almost 21 years.
I became a bit out of sorts as the time approached. I had said to Gary various times, "You realize it's our 25th anniversary this year, don't you? What are we going to do?" And he'd just sort of say, "Yeah, we ought to do something." And that's where it stood. I finally ended up making arrangements, and by that time, most places worth a darn were already full. We found a place in Bellevue. Not exotic, not extreme, but it was a good out-of-the-ordinary and somewhat posh weekend. And that's saying a lot for this frugal type. Not that I wouldn't be willing to splurge at other times under the right circumstances, given the means and all.
Katie and Tim have an easier time getting along, it seems, when we do go out than when we're at home. We've left them alone together for dinners out about four times. Ever. Two of those involved Gary's work. The others, I think, were other anniversaries. We leave them with movies and fun foods, and it's good. So I loaded them up with all sorts of great food, some healthy, some totally foolish; we made arrangements for our friend Vonna to give them a ride to church, and we left.
We got out at about 2:00 and realized we hadn't had lunch. My first impulse would have been to go through a drive-thru because "we had to get there by" some certain time. But there was no certain time we had to get there by. And after all, it was our 25th anniversary trip, how do you go to Jack-in-the-Box? Kind of ridiculous, no? So we went to the PF Changs at Alderwood Mall and had a really nice lunch there, Almond Cashew Chicken bowls. Gary always seems to order the same things I do, and I always forget and order first, and then I regret it because we end up with the same thing. We talked about my blog entry, about the bucket list, and I told him what was on it and that maybe he should make one too. I think we could find intersections in our list that we could aim for doing--that would be neat. It's not likely that he'll actually do it, but I'll keep on with him and we'll see.
We went down to Seattle; there's a park there by the Arboretum that is called Foster Island. It's one of Gary's favorite places. We walk along the lake where people are paddling rented canoes and kayaks from the University, and then under the end of the 520 bridge (I think), and then to a park-y area where you can see the really big boats come by really close to the shore. It's fun to see them. Quite a lot of sights to see. We sat on a bench and just watched for a long time.
Then we went down to Pike Place Market. I am always struck by the signs that say, "Sanitary Pike Place Market" or something like that. Sanitary? They wish! I always feel immune to about 20 new diseases after I leave there. It looks grimy and the smells overwhelm me. But it's fun, in a way. Lots of interesting sights. I wish I'd had a camera; we remembered after we left but didn't want to go back and get it. I'm never sorry when it's time to go on to something else after the Market, and I always feel like a bad citizen because of it; you're supposed to love the place, aren't you? The rest of the family loves it. I don't.
After all that we headed east to Bellevue. We checked into our room. The front desk was stunning--they had a stone front to it, with lighting behind that accentuated its transparent yellowness and the patterns of different rivers of color that ran through it. No camera, no picture. Sorry.
Then we went to find a place to go for dinner. I had my teeth sort of set for steak. Gary wanted seafood. He thought Ruth's Chris would be too expensive and we went to McCormicks. I was intending to remind myself that this was a 25th wedding anniversary and not to worry about the price. Still, I couldn't bring myself to let go. The steak was too expensive and I chose salmon on a plank with raspberry sauce. Gary ordered the same thing. Darn it! I forgot again to wait until he ordered.
There was a table next to us with six people. Somehow Gary got across to them that it was our 25th, and at one point a few minutes later they all toasted us. All I had by then was an empty water glass and a nearly dry lemonade glass. (We had intended to get some champagne even though we never drink any more, but at $38--whether bottle or glass, I don't know, no difference, it still shocked me--I couldn't do it. I figure it was God's way of stopping us, maybe. I'm a little disappointed, I kind of thought it would be fun to have that heady feeling once again. Someday, maybe.)
By the time we were done we were too full for dessert. We'd pondered the possibility of Cheesecake Factory but didn't. Just as well.
Our room overlooked Wendy's and at 1:30 I was awake, couldn't sleep. It was amazing--throughout their open hours, any time I looked they had about 6 cars lined up there. Who goes to Wendy's in the middle of the night? I guess we're the only ones who don't.
This morning we headed out to go to church. We decided we wanted to check out the University Presbyterian Church. We know of a few people who've gone there and said it was a pretty neat one. We were out maybe an hour early for their last service of the morning. Gary wanted breakfast, and insisted that we stop at Denny's. There was a line up at the door. There was no time for Denny's if we wanted to get to church on time, so we went to Starbucks. Gary said, "But I don't drink coffee." I suggested he get hot chocolate and so he did--hot chocolate and a pastry. I got caramel frappucino. Yum!
The church was overwhelmingly big, but they had a nice service. They baptized about 5 or 6 babies--by sprinkling--and that was the only thing I'd differ with much. The sermon was good, on Colossians 1, and the pastor seemed sweet. It was fun to see something different, but I love our little church all the more.
So in two days we went out to three places for food. What fun! I guess that's not unheard-of when we're on a trip, but usually with the kids along, much of it is fast food. This was overall such a good time.
When we got home, I just about fell over dead. Tim was carrying out the garbage and had a smile on his face. Katie sounded like it was all a good time. They'd watched the Chipmunk movie and some other, and she told her friend Haley later that they'd eaten "trash." It is true, the trash was empty--but I think she meant unhealthy foods...I hope so!

Obedience is Impossible!

The challenge about obedience is that it is impossible for me to do by myself. I remember a little three-year-old girl visiting and I asked her to go into the house because I couldn't watch her continually on the sidewalk. Her answer, convincing enough in her own mind, was, stamping her foot on the sidewalk, "But I don't WANT to!" Even though it sounded childish and unconvincing to me (and very reasonable to her), at the same time, it's the chant that I continually hear in my own mind when I am called to obedience. God doesn't call me to obedience in the things I already want to do; He calls me to obey where I don't want to. That's the thing that makes it obedience.
I remember one of our first churches, where one of my main impressions was that grace got trampled on quite a bit. People would continually say, "But we live in an era of grace." Hallelujah that we do! Still, in the New Testament, grace is not a reason to disobey and think that we are getting away with it. "Shall sin increase that grace may increase all the more? May it never be!" says Paul in his emphatic manner. May it never be! I should never trample on grace.
God calls me to obey in loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. The next thing is that I am to love my neighbor as I love myself. He says elsewhere that I am to honor all men, that I am to respect my husband, that I am to consider others as better than myself, that I am to obey authorities, that I am to forgive others 70 x 7 times. Then I quarrel, "What if they're not acting honorable?" "What if he's not acting respectable?" "What if they clearly aren't 'better' than myself--by what I can see?" "What if they've shown no remorse, no repentance, what if they haven't asked for forgiveness?" "What if the authorities are unreasonable?" God doesn't give me an out. He doesn't say, "...if they're worthy...if he's respectable...if they're better than you...if they're repentant...if they're reasonable." He just says to do it. He, after all, is the ultimate authority in my life, and He says to do it.
Obedience is hard--nay, it's impossible! I can't do it in my strength, because even if I do, then it's outward obedience and I'm chafing inside. I can only do it through Him. Nothing is impossible with God. So I must ask Him to help me, and then, only then, am I able to obey. Only then am I treating others as I want to be treated and fulfilling the second greatest commandment, to love my neighbor as I love myself.

Our Love for God is too Convenient

I woke up this morning thinking about the recent indignant responses to the cartoons that have been in the news lately, for which a certain element would behead the makers of them. I recoil at that violence, their lust for blood. I respond viscerally to how extreme they are. Yet this morning I realized how shamefully at the other end of the spectrum we are in regard to our God. We are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Someone comes along and blasphemes our God and what do we do? Maybe we notice. If we notice, maybe we even wince. The most daring of us will say something, but that's rather much. If we go to a movie and God's name is taken in vain, well, that's a clean movie if that's all there is. It makes me think that the passion the Muslim men show is at least heated, and therefore thought-provoking. Do I have so much passion for the God who saved me? Do I even pray for, or correct, the person who blasphemes God's holy name?
I think this subject must have come up in my sleep because last night I was discussing movies with a friend of mine. We were nodding together to the idea that if you didn't go to movies where God's name was taken in vain, well, you probably wouldn't go to movies at all. Well, I rarely enough find movies that aren't too objectionable to go to, but I haven't cut them out because of that one crime.
Crime? Is it a crime to take God's name in vain? No one will go to jail; most people don't even know it's an offense. I remember finding out myself that there was anything wrong with proclaiming His name as a mere exclamation! On finding out it took a while to clean it from my vocabulary, it was so ingrained as a habit. Yet it's listed right there in the Ten Commandments, Exodus 20:7: "You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain." We know, because God has commanded it and stressed that He will not leave him unpunished, that it is indeed a crime severe enough to send a person to hell for all eternity. That's got to be seen as severe in God's eyes. A severe crime and all we do is shrug. I can't be denied my movies, God wouldn't want that...would He? It goes right in line with that truth (where is it in the Bible anyway, it's got to be in there somewhere...) that God wants us all to be happy as much as possible. I love going to the movies...
There's also the example that the Mormons show, of going door to door for two years in spite of people slamming the door in their faces time after time after time...so they can come to you and tell you that you, too, can be a god. You have to admire their fortitude, their perseverance, their apparent love for their god. The JWs, too. It's not a happy time they're having, of going door to door. Probably not very rewarding, as few people as will even talk to them. But they are sure making a good display of living out Matthew 28:18-20, the Great Commission. It takes a passion, I would think, to go so long door to door with so little encouragement. That passion again--do I have so much of it?
I am thankful that I don't have to fear the ongoing wrath of God for the many times that I took His name in vain--even though He promised He would not leave the offender unpunished. It isn't that the crime is going unpunished, either. Jesus has taken my punishment for each and every time I spoke that holy Name in an unholy way--Jesus died on the cross for my carelessness.
How much do I love my God? I had better think about that a while. Matthew 24:12-13 says "Because lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved." In Revelation 3:15, Jesus declares, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." How warm is my love for God? Could it be declared hot in any regard, let alone all of them? I only know I have a long way to go.

Before I Formed You in the Womb, I Knew You

I realize the subject matter of this, my twin miscarriage, might put a person off...for the first while. The really good part is at the end, but it takes going through the crucible of the story with me to get there and really understand where I'm coming from, and in spite of a seemingly hopeless beginning, it actually has a message of incredible hope. This is so often what God will do through our great pain, is end up giving us hope and a better knowledge of His great faithfulness and unfathomable love. I do hope you'll read on after all, and receive a blessing from it.
I was pregnant for the first time in seven years, since the birth of our daughter. At a grocery store, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen for a while, and showed her my expanding middle. I was just at the 12-week point, but very much showing. I told her, "I'm beginning to wonder whether it's twins, don't you think?" She said, "No kidding." Like it was obvious.
Late the next day, though, I started to miscarry. I was glad that at the time we lived within a block of the hospital. It was surely God's provision for this whole period of our lives--we were there often for one thing or another. I'd never been through miscarriage before; the pain was intense and I thought surely they'd do something to help me in the emergency room. When we got there, it was the worst emergency room visit we ever had. We were ushered into a room and though it seemed like a quiet night there, we were left alone. We had my daughter in tow--unfortunately not much we could do but bring her along. I kept buzzing the button, hoping someone would come with pain medicine, and maybe some evaluation, advice, assurance, or something. No one came. The door was locked to the adjacent bathroom, too. My husband ran around the other side to unlock it. I miscarried one at that time; finally a bunch of medical personnel came along and evaluated the outcome. Yes, I'd miscarried, but the doctor thought I was probably not through yet. He sent me home, and said he might be seeing me again.
We went home and all seemed fine for a short while, but then it became worse than the first time around. We thought we might as well stay home considering the first time, but it wasn't the same. I was writhing in pain and eventually gave up to go back in.
At least in my more obvious agony they couldn't ignore me. After evaluating the situation, they said that the only solution was a D&C, that is, an operation called dilation and curettage. So I lost my second that night. I'd never realized before how much a woman goes through when she loses a pregnancy. The emotional pain is overwhelming.
But the amazing part is coming. I was in a recovery bed, pondering to myself how I'd only been aware of these two tiny human beings at most a few weeks--and one only a day. I'd never seen them, talked to them, named them--didn't even know if they were girls or boys. But the pain of loss was more than I could contain; I'd developed such a love for them in that short time it was beyond what my being could hold.
I wasn't thinking in the slightest of God, of faith, of Scriptures. But in the midst of my self-absorbed thoughts, God pierced through with an instantaneous set of five scriptures that had to do with His eternal love for His people. "I have loved you with an everlasting love,"(Jer 31:3 nasb); "I have engraved you on the palms of My hands,"(Isa 49:16 niv); "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,"(Jer 1:5 nasb); "I will never leave you nor forsake you,"(Heb 13:5b, nkjv); "He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world." (Eph. 1:4 nasb).
I truly had five stunning verses that day all having to do with God's eternal love and knowledge of us. Frankly, often when I try listing them from memory I come up with a slightly different assortment of five, so it's to the point that I don't remember perfectly the original set. However, I know that He tells us in many places throughout the Scriptures of how long He's known us and how much He loves us. Just as He knew that John the Baptist would be a boy, what his name would be, what his purpose was, and his effect on those around him, God also knows what we are to be. He knows every word on our tongues before one of them comes to be said (Ps 139:4). Isn't it marvelous?
So in case I'm not making my point clear, at any rate, we can be overcome with love for another, and with grief over the loss of another, who we have known, or hardly known, for such an infinitesimal fraction of time compared to how God intimately knows us. And He not only knows us well, but loves us anyway--and not humanly but in a "God is love" sense: perfectly, infinitely, completely. It exploded my previous, vague, "a lot bigger than human" picture of who God is and how He graciously loves us.
Ephesians 3:14-19 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

Was Solomon's request the best?

The study of Ecclesiastes has brought me down a new path of thought...at least it's new to me! And I think it's applicable to every believer. Here's how it goes, and I've shortened it from the original (didn't want to bore anyone!), so if it travels fast, that's why.

Solomon had phenomenal wisdom; people traveled from other lands to visit with him because they had heard of the wonderful wisdom that God had given him. And yet, he wandered from God. How could he do so if he was so wise? Had he asked for the best thing from God, or just a good thing?
Jesus was asked what was the first and greatest commandment, and in response He said, “ ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” (Mt 22:34-40) In 1 John we are told repeatedly that if we don’t love our brother we can’t love God either (1 Jn 2:9-11, 15-16; 3:10, 15-18; 4:8, 20-21). If we don’t love God, we are surely lost! These two greatest commandments are crucial if we are to walk as Jesus walked (1 Jn 2:6). Solomon chose better than many would have, but perhaps if he had asked God for better love for God and man, instead of for wisdom, then he would have stayed true to God to the end. He would have ended up having both, because God gives wisdom to anyone who seeks it (James 1:5), and loving God well, Solomon would have sought it. With love and wisdom combined, he wouldn’t have acquired a household of 1,000 foreign women to drag him down!
I have a hard time evaluating how well I love the difficult people in my life; and there’s always room for improvement. Jesus says, “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?” (Mt. 5:46) It is clearly not enough to love just the fun, the clever, the rich, the kind, and the beautiful people. We have to love the crusty, the inconsiderate, the ugly, the poor, the slow, the boring, the sinful people! But do we? Perhaps you've heard of reading 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 using one’s own name in the place of “love” (especially with one of our less favorite people in mind) to try to evaluate where love is and isn’t so well manifested. A similar thing can be done with each fruit of the Spirit (--- is loving, --- is joyful, --- is peaceful…). That can be convicting and yet, we can do more. We have been given one very promising resource to help improve one’s love for God and man. Solomon spoke with God and God was pleased to give him wisdom according to his request (1 Kings 3:10). How much more in God’s will can we be than to request a better love for God and neighbors, when those are His greatest commandments? James 4:3 says that God doesn’t answer our prayers when we pray with wrong motives; we can expect the inverse to be true as well—if we pray with right motives and a clean heart, we can expect Him to answer. He’s our Father and every good gift is from Him (James 1:17); He longs to give His children good things (Luke 11:11). So it just makes sense to ask Him to teach us to love better, and that He might point out where we’re failing. I’ve been praying some of that lately and as a result, realizing a few things (I’m sure I’m just scratching the surface) that I expect will improve my relationship to God and man. I sure don’t want those verses in 1 John to apply to me.