How to tell if Your 10-Year-Old Boy has Discovered that Girls Don't Have Cooties; or, The Civilizing Influence of the Female of the Species

I just thought it might be helpful to provide a few hints so that you can tell whether or not your 10-year-old boy has discovered that girls don't have Cooties. Now, you may think that it isn't an actual issue, but "Cooties" is an actual medical condition that I think must have been eradicated, perhaps in view of all the inoculations that have become so prevalent. I know that it is an actual condition because it used to be that the Mayo Clinic actually had a web page devoted to it. (They don't any more. That's why I think the disease must have been eradicated.)
My 10-year-old son has joined the realm of those who have gotten past the concern for getting Cooties. This is how I can tell:

1. He used to have to be reminded to take showers. I remember asking him once, "How long has it been since you took a shower?" thinking that it might have been he hadn't taken one that day. I should have known from the interesting fumes emanating from him. He said, nonchalantly, "Three days." "Aaagggh!" I shrieked. "Go take one now!" These days he takes one every morning before coming downstairs.
2. He changes his socks more often. I don't see any walking around by themselves any more. (For that matter, he's more willing to wear them in the first place, since not doing so has bad effect on his shoes.) We've recently discussed (again) what clothes he needs to change every day and what can wait. And he was receptive to the news. We're making progress!
3. He looks in the mirror, and sometimes he isn't making faces or seeing how many weird noises he can make with his mouth and what shapes his mouth takes on in the process; he's trying the handsome, cool, with-it kind of expressions instead. Silently.
4. He is specific about what kind of soap, shampoo, and hair stuff he wants. It's always something with a strong, manly scent. Well, better strong manly on a 10-year-old than strong...well, you know.
5. He makes cards even for little girls who come over to visit. At least, he did the other day. For three sisters, so I guess it wasn't to impress one in particular, unless he is trying to throw me off the case a little bit.
6. He welcomes the idea of being in certain places where it's a new thing for for him to want to be. Places where certain little girls are present.
7. At church he asks to use the breath freshening spray before meet-and-greet time.
8. His teeth don't have sweaters on any more. They tend to be shinier and whiter, and his dentist doesn't scold him so heartily as he used to. Okay, occasionally he forgets to brush, but far less than he used to.
9. He cares more about wearing impressive types of clothes that have some structure and lack ragged edges, rather than the ratty comfortable ones. At least, usually. Well, at least when he predicts the possibility of seeing girls.
10. When he goes to friends' houses who have sisters, all the above benefits go into full implementation, whereas this used to be the least likely incentive for soap and sudsiness.

Sigh. I don't know if this is a good trend, since in some ways, he's safer not liking girls until he's of marriageable age, but it does keep him cleaner and tamer for the present in peaceful and pleasant ways. My mom used to say that "it's an ill wind that brings no one any good," meaning even bad things have benefit for someone, somewhere. And the wind is sweeter, these days. I like this change, myself, even if we do have far more discussion, prayer and teaching before we are through with these subjects of girls, personal hygiene, and appearance.

God Has Blessed my Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

I try not to take my blessings for granted. Yet, I am blessed beyond what I can regularly realize! One of the best aspects of this is my being a stay-at-home mom. On our cul-de-sac of about 17 houses, I am one of two moms, I think, who continually stay at home with children and who don't work outside the home at all. The other one has tried to open a daycare at her house and not succeeded, and actually I'm not sure that she's at home all the time. I read sometimes about flack that stay-at-home moms get, and have to say that I have rarely received any of that sort of treatment from others.
When Katie was a baby, I remember hoping against hope that I would be able to stay home with her--but I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old, and left her with a lady from our church who did daycare in her house. She usually had ten kids there, and Katie would come home over-stimulated and over-exposed to every bug that came along. She was often sick, and usually irritable and exhausted--and so was I.
One of the women I worked with had two little boys, both in daycare. She earned less than it cost to have them there. I wondered at why she would do that, and she said that the daycare could raise her boys better than she could! That seemed tragic to me even then. Imagine thinking that daycare staff could raise your children better than you can. Most of them have no major qualifications for running a daycare; for that matter, the employees aren't bound to stay employed there any length of time; above all, they can't be expected to love your children as much as you would love them. It reminds me of the boy that used to live next door to us when I was a kid. He was raised more by the maid than by his mother. When the maid died, he grieved over her like a child would his mother, but in contrast he had very little respect for his own mother. He was socially inept and grew up getting in continual trouble with the law, on the premise that his lawyer father would continually bail him out. When I've helped in nurseries at churches, I have usually been able to tell which children are in daycare and which aren't; I see it in our neighborhood as well. The children I've seen who spend their weeks in daycare have a tendency to be more aggressive and less concerned about the other children. I have never seen that there is any optimum substitute for a parent raising a child.
While I was working at Boeing, Gary was trying to get into the sales field; he'd worked in an office for years and was getting nowhere. The sales field wasn't so easy to break into. A food broker would hire him full-time, then reduce him to part-time to avoid having to provide benefits. This happened with three jobs in a row! It didn't look like I would ever be at home with Katie. Gary's earnings were also at pretty much bare minimum to begin with. But I had recently come to accept Jesus as my Savior, and my life was in makeover mode in many ways.
I came home from work one day when Gary was on part-time. He had that day off, but still put Katie in daycare. I would have given my right arm to be at home with her, so it hit me hard that he'd pay to have someone take care of her while he was home. That day it became clear that my working wasn't very beneficial to the family; it was counter-productive. I was starting to add up all the costs of working, and comparing them with my minimal earnings. I figured I was taking home about $65-80 per month after all the expenses were taken out: daycare, gas, car insurance (higher the more you drive), convenience foods, dress clothes, higher tax bracket, office gift obligations...it wasn't the most worthwhile venture for me to be at work. Add to those things the physical strain I was under at the time, being anemic and worn out, constantly coming down with all the bugs Katie brought home; also not having the time to clean house like I would if I were at home (theoretically, at least). Gary needed to be the primary breadwinner, it was obvious. It wasn't the best approach that day, but I remember clearly and calmly telling Gary (not asking him--that would be an issue now) that I was going to give my notice at work. It wasn't because he was earning enough to support us; he wasn't! It was what I consider a leap of faith. I was convinced that God was showing me that I must be at home with Katie. I didn't tell Gary that I would give a three-week notice instead of two so I would get another month of medical coverage. Still, wow. I remember I could hardly wait until the three weeks were over!
I realize that not everyone would consider this the right approach. In some ways it wasn't, but the way I saw it at the time, it appeared to me to be the only thing I could do. The first day of not rising early to go to work, I remember how I felt like an enormous weight had fallen off my shoulders. I remember thinking, "I finally know what I want to be 'when I grow up'--a stay-at-home mom!" There I was with my daughter, not having to rush her through the early morning and pack her in the car to get her to daycare so I could be at work at 7:15.
Katie's attitude completely and suddenly changed from the day I started staying at home. We had dinner with some friends, and they remarked, "What has happened to Katie?!" She was no longer constantly demanding my full attention and raising a ruckus throughout the meal time. And my health started improving as I became more rested. I had just been informed that I had been anemic, and the iron was a great boon to my energy level.
Our finances were not in great shape. We really didn't have a penny to spare; still, it wasn't that different from when I was working. My work had never provided so much that we had spare funds, it just occupied all my time and made a very slight difference in take-home pay. I had moments when I felt a bit guilty, and then when I considered the math, the benefit to being at home was real--and in the other ways as well.
Gary was trying to get into pharmaceutical sales, but I was tired of all of his job changes. He had just changed to another food broker when I got a phone call asking for him; he wasn't home. When I realized it was regarding another job, I just ignored it rather than tell him. I didn't want him changing all over again! The man called back another time when Gary was home. Right over the phone, he offered Gary a job that he had applied for 6 months previously; the other candidate who had gotten the job had gotten fired. The pay and benefits were like we'd never had before. Did I feel foolish! But I was so thankful for God's grace.
Since that time, Gary has had various job changes and times between jobs. At first I worked as an office temp from time to time, but that didn't continue for very long. I've been at home completely for about 20 years now. We have probably had about four years of joblessness, total, scattered in amongst those years, and his salary has gone up and down depending on what job he was working. It has never been an enormous salary, but God has been faithful to us throughout that time. He has taught me to be careful with my spending, and He has been gracious with various creative means of providing for us. We've never been a charity case! I truly believe that most women could stay at home with their children if they were determined to do so, trusting in God as their Provider. If God has provided such for us, He can provide for anybody who will rely on Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

The American Christian Homeschooler and a Sense of Entitlement

Recently I blogged about how all cultures have their good and bad aspects. It was hardly an excellent piece; it was only a set of observations, rather rambly. I was thinking them up as I was writing; they hadn't consumed me and caused me to ponder long and research anything. So I was surprised when that article, of the many that I have written, became linked to a homeschooling website. My article only very briefly stated that one of the things that I don't like about other cultures is the control some exercise over parenting, that homeschooling for example is illegal in many places, but legal in every state here.
The determining factor that caused someone to link my blog entry to their website seems to be that very statement about the legality of homeschooling here. So I explored various links on their blog. The latest buzz on their blog is about the California issue where homeschooling is now under threat by their state judicial system. I had read a little about it, and at first thought it would blow over quickly. Now I am wondering whether it will be more of a lasting impact not only in California, but possibly throughout the whole country.
With the elections coming into swing, and the candidates from which we have to choose, my doubts about the future of homeschooling have been increasing. I am thankful for the many years that we have been allowed to do so; it has been a privilege, a wonderful window of opportunity for our family and a saving grace for many children across the country. Not only that, but I believe that it has been a boost for the less-than-ideal national resource of the intellect of our youth as a whole, and for the foundation of faith in Christian families across the country. For all I know, freedom to homeschool could still continue for many years, but I would be surprised if it won't be under strong attack.
The issue that struck me most vividly at the website that linked me was the abundant passionate commentary following an article they linked, these comments mostly by homeschoolers and also by a few who opposed them. My thought in reading them wasn't primarily about homeschooling at all, but about the sense of entitlement we develop by living in a country that provides far more than the average amount of freedoms. We seem to think that we are entitled to these freedoms--and a person could argue that we are entitled to them, by virtue of living in a country based on freedom, but the freedom to homeschool has been a recent arrival following the establishment of government schools. This entitlement, though, or any true freedom on earth, ought to be viewed as a temporary and unnatural blessing from our benevolent God, rather than from government. The Jews at the time of Christ were under oppression by the Romans, and the history of humanity has hardly been characterized by entitlement and freedom. I view freedom far more as a blessing that God chooses to bestow on a people for whatever sovereign purpose He might deem fit for that time; nevertheless, it is generally rare and fleeting that He might choose to provide such freedoms as we have had in the United States for these hundreds of years. What country on earth has enjoyed such freedom for such a long time as ours has, and such abundance and blessing? God has been good to us, but He is not required to continue in the same way.
What I found stunning were the indignant attitudes that were exhibited in these comments, many by people who professed faith, following the article I read! It troubled me to read the comments of those who would passionately defend the right to homeschool as an entitlement. A person could assume that many homeschoolers would be some of the most passionate people of faith, but many, though they refer to their faith, fail to exhibit Christ in their comments. So many instead exhibited their own wants, demands and fears driving them, with a combative and critical spirit, bragging about their own accomplishments. They ignored the fact that not too many years ago, homeschooling was illegal in every state. I realize our country was established for the sake of freedom, but it also is a country where even the freedom it stands for has in many ways been imperfectly realized; consider slavery and how long that lasted! We live in a country that was established in the name of freedom, but such a country is established on a very delicate principle. President John Adams stated such:

"We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge, or gallantry, would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for the governing of any other."
October 11, 1798 in President John Adams' address to the military, from America's God and Country, Encyclopedia of Quotations, by William J. Federer, pp. 10-11.

We have reached a point in our culture where we have to question the reality of whether the Constitution is truly adequate to govern our present society. Is it? Or will our freedoms disintegrate and by necessity be replaced by stronger cords of government, where freedom is hardly the aim, in order to govern a people who for the most part will not govern themselves? The removal of faith from public education, from the media, from government, from the public square removed the underpinnings that secure our freedoms. It is really more awesome that we have had the freedom to homeschool than it is shocking that this freedom should be under attack.
I look back to Daniel, and how in Babylon they did all they could to adapt him to their culture, to intimidate him from exercising faith...and still he was faithful. We need to pray that our children can and will be found faithful even if they should be forced into a Babylon-type culture. No biblical account promises and guarantees that we will have earthly freedoms, or that the culture will accommodate our faith, or that the government will allow us to parent as we see fit. The same Bible we read has applied to families under every type of government and every flag in the world. The only thing that no government can really force us to relinquish is our faith, our ability to petition the God of heaven to help us in our time of need. Maybe it is His will that our children be tested as Daniel was! Perhaps we should be glad of it, that our children be tested, that they would have to decide where they stand. Maybe staying comfortable at home in a sheltered environment will make them complacent. God is sovereign and ultimately wise, and we must entrust our children entirely to His care. He knows what is best for our good and for His glory. Don't get me wrong. I hope that we will retain the freedom to homeschool, but if not, we need to trust the God of heaven who controls governing authorities, and in any case, we need to pray for our children and those authorities.

The Hollow Ring of Self-Esteem

"Good job!" is a phrase we teasingly, mockingly throw around our house, most often provoked by those things that are specifically questionable! It is thanks to the well-meaning team mother of Tim's baseball team a couple of years ago, who lavished this praise on every undeserving team player who might have been daydreaming, unskilled, or just had an off moment. A player would come off the field after striking out pitifully, maybe hardly even trying to hit the ball, maybe thinking more about the snacks after practice than about the task at hand. While I might be ready to console him with something like, "Maybe you'll do better next time," I couldn't blurt it before I'd hear, "Good job!" Startled, I'd look around to see who it was that she had addressed. What? What did she see that I didn't?
She was the benevolent bestower of self-esteem, and her intent was that no child should spend a second feeling the pain of doubt or inadequacy or failure. She thought she was doing them a favor, that pain was always bad and comfort was always good. If she was helping them do anything, she was helping them stay where they were, to stagnate, to remain in their inadequacy and never be dissatisfied with their present state so that they might pursue improvement.
That dissatisfaction with self is a good thing, not an evil; it gives a person a desire to improve; it's a motivator, painful though it may be. Disguising inadequacy is no favor, yet it's the trend of recent years to help children have self-esteem that is in no way earned nor deserved. A parent who gives a child false assurance is doing him harm rather than a favor, and a parent who withholds it is doing him good.
Today at the grocery store, Tim was looking at some huge chocolate rabbits, amazed at their size. I assure you, he never received one so large, though he has probably received them that were as heavy. Those he was looking at, though, soon earned his disgust: "They're hollow!" He suddenly lost interest and turned away. Better to know the reality of one's own lack and need, rather than trust in something that is not solid but hollow. Given false assurance of how adequate one is in childhood, a person will only hit confusion and failure, something like finding that huge empty bubble inside a chocolate rabbit, when in real adult life where no one cares about his self-esteem so much as his performance and substance.
My growing up years were marked by inadequacy (my ignorant version of awareness of my sin), and that inadequacy, that gnawing emptiness, did me a great benefit: It pointed to my need for Christ, for a Savior. Praise God that no one was telling me I was good enough! I wasn't. No one is good enough apart from Christ; everyone needs to know the truth of their own lack and their own sin, and at the same time, trust in Christ's sufficiency and grace, His forgiveness, His great sacrifice that will bring wholeness and healing to every person who will just trust in Him.
See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. Colossians 2:8

Tim Turns Ten

Today our house is surrounded by a number of wild, crazy males bearing arms. Well, they're 9- to 12-year-old males bearing Nerf guns and toy light sabres. Last year, I planned out Tim's birthday party in detail, to the point that I had gathered enough game ideas that I was sure that I could keep them busy for the duration of the time that they were here. As I went along it got more and more frustrating trying to keep the attention of the boys so that I could tell them what came next. It was increasingly evident that they didn't want to play games, and so to my surprise, what they chose instead was to go down into our basement and play on our foosball game table. They went down and for the remainder of the time kept themselves perfectly happy just hanging out together.
So this year, we didn't plan any games. Tim and I cleaned the basement (you have no idea what that means unless you've seen the "before" picture--suffice it to say, we're getting rid of about 5 bins of toys and accumulation), and I planned food...lots of food! And the boys couldn't be happier. We left the Nerf guns and light sabres, yoyos, bongo drums, and jenga blocks in easy reach, and put out the card table to fill with food. The boys played on the foosball table for a brief time, and then went to Nerf guns--first inside, then when they got too warm they went outside. They kept themselves busy for quite a while, then came in for cake.
I think they enjoyed themselves--they kept thanking me, whereas I thanked them in return. What's a party without guests? They made it. I love seeing Tim get older; life gets easier, and I think that's a nice return on the work of raising him to this point. In spite of the fairly wide age range, and the fact that not all of them knew each other to start with, they were all relating well all the way through. I am blessed! God is great. He keeps showing me, even though I already know it.

Protection can be a Judgment Call

Today's sermon brought our pastor to mention that we as parents have to be willing at times to not over-protect our children. One of the parents later asked the pastor to what that looked like. The pastor asked people to share what they do in terms of that, and I had a few things to share regarding our own children. While I will not apologize for raising my children in a more protective environment than most parents I know, because I feel that for them it has been more beneficial and suitable, there are circumstances and times that seem God-given to expose them to the world's ways and allow them to impact the world if they might, or be impacted for the sake of learning and prayer and discussion at home.
It's strange how at our previous church we were considered over-protective, whereas at this church I suppose we may seem less-protective, maybe even the most liberal family in the church in the things we have allowed Katie to experience. I'm not sure which position makes me most uncomfortable! Still, we don't live to please people at any church but to please God. He is the One who has given us all these opportunities and He is the One who entrusted these children to us and to Whom we entrust them in return.
I know though that while they were little, I would not have been able to foresee us allowing Katie to take part in so many of the opportunities that have molded her life thus far. There are a number of them that would have frightened me a great deal if they had come her way before we were ready, before she was old enough, and I'm sure I would have said that I would "never allow" any number of them.
First of all, with Katie, the youngest exposure I can remember for her to a fairly large variety of unsaved people (other than relatives) was enrolling her in a secular co-op preschool. I was new to Christ, and I don't remember expecting it to be inappropriate or risky, though it was sometimes offensive. I had an advantage in that I was there with her. We did end up sometimes running into conflict with the other mothers. I remember one boy wanting to hit another, and when I would restrain him, one of the mothers was indignant that I was inhibiting his self-expression. For the most part, though, I think it was a positive experience and I remember having some interesting discussions with other moms, such as regarding where Adam and Eve's boys got their wives.
Also of course, we've always had issues regarding exposure to unsaved relatives. Interestingly, most of them severely curtailed social interaction with us when salvation entered our household, so that exposure was limited to say the least (for which I am somewhat grateful, to tell the truth). Nevertheless, Katie's concern for her unsaved grandfather was highly instrumental in his coming to Christ a week before he died--and he had been a pastor of six churches in his life. He's the only relative who has come to Christ yet. She was only about 12 when he died.
Katie didn't play with many unsaved children; being homeschooled made that easy, and living in a strange old neighborhood where substance abuse and witchcraft abounded, made that vitally important.
We allowed Katie to go to the Snow Retreat into the Cascades and on College Preview Weekends down to the Master's College in Santa Clarita, California. I remember one very protective mother asking whether the girls' dorms were separate from the boys' dorms at the Snow Retreat. That was of course a given--and her daughter was probably the most trustworthy one in the group to send on such an outing. The consideration I recall coming to mind is, "Do you trust God with your child?" and then, "Do you trust your child?" and then, "Do you trust the leaders of the church with whom your child is going?" Perhaps you don't trust the boys, at least not the whole group--but I've been to one of those retreats, and there's really hardly any chance anything would happen, especially when the interest would be one-sided. Katie also was in the realm of the trustworthy. There really were no boys in the entire group whom she found even slightly interesting in any romantic sense, and in response they found her quite boring in that regard as well.
When Katie was 16 she had the opportunity to be a Senate Page. She stayed down in Olympia at Senate Page housing that was made available. I had signed her up to be in a house with all girls, but she got reassigned to a house with some girls and some boys. We assumed that she would be amongst a good amount of conservatives, if not Christians, but it was not the case...the vast majority were liberal kids with very unholy ways of living. I was a bit alarmed at her house assignment, but we prayed about it, and it turned out to be a good and safe exposure for Katie to what she would have experienced in public school, and what the world she was going to meet in adulthood would be like.
When Katie's cousin Kristin (who is about 8 years older than Katie) was 16, she went over to Germany for a year to stay with a family that her family did not know. I remember saying, "Can you imagine? I cannot imagine sending my daughter all the way to Germany at age 16." (I do believe I said "to stay with a family we've never met." Still...) When Katie was 16, what do you think happened? The youth ministry was planning a three-week missions trip to Germany. At least we had met the family she would be staying with, and they had a strong Christian testimony. We signed her up to go with a team of leaders and--this sounds shocking but really wasn't, for the same reasons as described regarding the snow retreat, above--five teen boys. She was 16, and she was going to Germany to distribute invitations to the Bibelgemeinde there, a small Christian church in Berlin. It was a great experience. Something happened to her world view, her picture of the global Church, and she changed from being something of a theoretical Christian to one who had experienced a big picture of it, and her understanding was more clearly defined. She seemed more real after that. If we had decided not to let her go, it would have left an integral part of her learning and spiritual growth unfinished. We couldn't have taught her at home what she learned and experienced on that trip.
She has since worked at Safeway, at Let's Dish (a "Dinners Ready" kind of place), at Lavender Hills Farm, and at Red Robin, and attended Everett Community College--many of these environments are replete with non-Christians who at the very least gossip and backbite and compete, and at the worst have foul mouths and speak of their foul lives with no shame. And a great many of them rarely see a Christian and know very little about Christianity in general or Christ in specific. Katie had many opportunities to share various aspects of her faith; if not intentionally then unintentionally. Without asking, they knew that she would not be interested in their nightly drinking parties, and one was very amused and went on at great length about it when she thought Katie had used a swear word--only to find out that she hadn't. In her speech class, Katie gave one speech on the Resurrection, and another speech (she had two minutes from being given the topic for preparation, and another two minutes for the speech) on her stand regarding premarital sex. Wow. She asked if she could use an outside source, and when the professor said, "If you can find one in 2 minutes," she pulled out her Bible. Her speeches were well-received, though it seemed they didn't convince anyone.
Tim is another, different consideration. We now live in a mostly unsaved and amoral but comparatively safe neighborhood of unsupervised and unkind children. I know this sounds contradictory, but it describes it to an extent. I feel safe allowing Tim to go out and play as long as he doesn't go into anyone's garage or house or back yard, or the park that we can't see from our house. He has told the Hindu and Sikh girls about Jesus, and they now consider him racist because he has the gall to consider Christ better than their many gods. If they were to consider the whole story, they would have to recall that when no one else in the neighborhood would come to their birthday parties or invite them out to birthday parties, Tim would. There were many ways that we tried to help their families out and participate with them, but they have turned on him. Now it's not much fun for him to go out there, so he stays home or plays with friends from church, when we can drive him there or bring them here. When it was possible, he's taken opportunities to be kind when mistreated, and the kids are aware also that he doesn't swear, as they do.
I am excited to recall the opportunities that Katie had to see and experience things, to be a witness, to become girded in her faith for the future as the time unfolded. Now Tim is reaching an age where that will be my anticipation as well. There may be times where we protect him more or less than we did Katie, depending on prayer impact, his character, the circumstances and the timing. I am eager to see what God provides in his life.

Accounting for the Time

It just occurred to me that there was another conversation at that graduation party (I blogged about MySpace recently because of one conversation there) that was a trifle opinionated on both sides...this time regarding paint ball. Well, I don't have any teenage sons, so I haven't resisted it firsthand. I also think it's good for guys to get out and have fun together. Still...
There was one woman there whose sons were into paintball, and she asked me what I thought of it. Well, she did ask...and she knows me, so she knows I'll tell her truthfully. Without hesitation I told her I thought it was a waste of money and time. Well, okay, many things of that sort are okay in moderation, but do you know many guys who do paintball in moderation? I don't. I know guys who have jobs chiefly to support their paintball habit; that gives me an inkling of how predominant it is in their lives.
I see our neighbor boys, it seems constantly (maybe that's an overestimation, but it's all I ever see them doing) playing airsoft-pellet-gun games. Fine now and then and for a while, but when it's hours and hours every day it seems like overkill. These kids are getting to an age where responsibility and usefulness are good things to learn.
What is a better alternative? Well, helping their parents for one thing. Washing vehicles, vacuuming them out, sweeping the walks, mowing and fertilizing the yard, washing windows, doing home repairs.
They could be reading books: not useless or evil books, but biographies and instructional books, books on self-development, spiritual growth...many kinds of books are out there that are useful for boys' reading. There are many biographies of many fantastic Christian men who were by no means wimps, and whose lives were inspiring, amazing and adventurous. There are biographies of non-Christians even that are worth the read.
For that matter, how about serving others? Helping in the church, helping widows, watching people's kids or pets or doing lawn jobs around the neighborhood for profit or simply for the benefit of others--imagine how transformed our world would be if teens considered the world around them and the viewpoint and needs of others rather than their own self-gratification. No need to consider summer a boring set of days to be filled with playing games until companions have to go home, but befriending all ages of people around who have lost the vision of seeing anyone consider their needs as important.
Some of the purpose in having a child or teen use his time wisely is for the benefit of the moment; but there is also the matter of preparation for the future. What kind of men are we making? What kind of adults do we expect to result from those who spent their childhood in frivolous activities? How well will they prepared for the onslaught of responsibility that comes with adulthood, marriage, and parenthood?
Still, teen boys are just one segment of the population, and paintball is just one way of spending time. Any sort of recreation belongs only in its proper place...whether shopping or basketball or embroidery--or blogging. If it keeps a person busy such that there is nothing significant to show for the bulk of the time available, nothing of service to family, church, friends, or neighbors, then I don't see how a person can justify that use of time.
Yes, paintball--or any recreation--may be fun, and it surely has its place for rejuvenating a person after a period of work. Still, I think in our society, recreation is vastly overrated, taken for granted, and out of proportion with better uses of time in service to others. Teen boys, and their parents, will have to account to God for those stewardship decisions made now.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4

A Glutton set for Punishment

Tonight Tim really hit the jackpot. Some neighbor kids two doors down gave him a DQ ice cream sandwich, very much out of the blue. Then I gave him an Oreo as an incentive to do something. I also allowed him a piece of cake that was left over from the other night. (Note: This is not normal around our house--even having a cake around is aberrant.) He'd finished his dinner and even said it was good--that's two aberrations themselves; no wonder he had me in a good mood, you think?
So later tonight, the rest of us who had none of the former had some ice cream. Well, Tim was indignant, and wanted some too. He could not understand why we could and he couldn't. So I told him that if he had three full-size carrots, he could have some ice cream. (In my experience, food tends to kill my appetite and that's what I'm banking on with the carrots.) He had to peel them himself, which he again protested...but he did peel two. He was eating the first, and Katie made sure I knew he was on his first, not his second, and that the second was sitting on the table but there was no sign of a third. I knew already that this was the case. Tim had the solution, though, in hand. He broke the carrot into two pieces. Well, the one positive aspect of being conniving is that you have to be smart. Still, he has no hope for it to get him anywhere. Between Katie and me, we have him on a fairly tight leash, and he'd have to munch one more full-length carrot than he was hoping before he would get anything more. I was praying that his stomach would reach the limit first. If not at least he'd get his vitamin A as well as his calcium. I could have him run to the stop sign a few times tomorrow as a remedy for the other nutritional elements.
In addition, I'm counting on the fact that God may provide a built-in consequence for such gluttony--a likely stomach ache.
Post-script: At one and a half carrots, Tim started to complain of being full, and wanted me to deem that sufficient, which I would not. Wha-ha! Got him to eat some carrots--all for free. Something in my Scottish element loves that.