Yesterday we took Tim over to my friend LeAnna's house who had invited him not only to go to an event at a nearby church for the night, but also to stay overnight with their twin boys. Their family attended our church for a season, and now they're attending a home church with another family...at least I think that's what they're doing. When they started attending our church, it was a God-send, because our Pastor Ken and some others were planning a missions trip to the Ukraine. LeAnna's Armenian-born, and was able to help the team with some of the language, and with the translation of the gospel message for some bracelets. I really think that for that while, they attended our church in great part for that purpose, truly a God-send.
They have the twin boys and four girls, all slight of build. The youngest is a baby just weeks old. I went to visit them with a meal when their little baby was born, and came in the midst of the overwhelmedness that seems to invariably wave over a family with such a new addition. It always strikes me funny, how a tiny person unable to speak or walk or crawl can create such a whirlwind of confusion and human inadequacy. My visit brought back vivid memories of when we had just had Tim. I needed some nursing clothes and was making a dress for the purpose. The house was a mess, the fabric and patterns were all spread out on the floor, and being newly nursing and all, my physical state was all out of balance and I felt pretty unattractive. Just then a woman I knew from a Bible study came to visit unexpectedly. I don't remember if she had called and I'd forgotten or perhaps she came unannounced. At any rate my whole life was unpresentable. She was a person of exacting requirements, and I knew I made no good impression. To my relief she never came back--her son had always pained my daughter anyway, and the lack of their companionship felt like no great loss. So when I went to visit LeAnna, the confusion and all just brought back those memories and made me feel all the more for her.
I know I had thought of her often just after that visit. Since they no longer attend our church and we don't live very close to each other, we don't see each other very regularly. But we both attended a gathering recently, and she asked if I had prayed for her later that day of my visit, because from that point on the day seemed so much better for her. I looked back and couldn't be sure, but it was pretty likely. When someone is that much on my mind I can't imagine that I don't bring them up in conversation with God. The frustrating thing about that continual or incidental manner of prayer is that it's so incidental that later you might not specifically be able to say one way or the other just how much you prayed, it's just part of your day and you go on, and if you're asked later, what do you say? I could only say I thought so. Still, her question has brought me to realize just how much I ought to be keeping her in prayer, and just how many good things might go on because of all the prayers we put up, and might never hear about...such an encouragement to pray more!
So yesterday, when we dropped Tim off, we stayed quite a while. After John her husband took their older kids to the church event, we walked with her and her two youngest down to the river nearby. While we were on our way down, Katie called to ask if it was okay for her to go on an outreach from their college to a Skid-Road area nearby. I told her to go, that we'd pray for her. I told LeAnna about it so she would keep her in prayer as well. LeAnna told us that at one point in their life they were living in Alaska, and had to live in a tent for a period of time. So it was believable that Katie could minister to someone in similar circumstances in her outreach. I imagine that LeAnna was inclined all the more to pray for Katie because of that memory.
It was a stunningly beautiful night. There was an eagle flying overhead at the river. LeAnna pointed out that it was where she had met our mutual friend Amy, who had brought them to our church. LeAnna had approached her to share the gospel with her, which was funny, because Amy is just the type of person to have shared it with LeAnna if she had not done so first.
On the way home, we drove by the little church that was having the event where John had taken the kids. There were only a few cars there, but I peeked around the building as we drove past, and there was a small group of people who were enjoying an outdoor fire together. The sun was setting, the sky was on fire with orange and red, and the color of it bounced off of the hills, the beauty of which had never seemed so elegant to me until that moment. Though I have never dwelt in the country, I could imagine wanting to live in that area, it was so stunningly beautiful.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
A Funny Recollection
Since I can't think of anything current to blog about...I don't know why, suddenly I'm just coming up dry...I want to tell a funny recollection from back when I guess I could say things were for the moment more interesting.
Last August (nearly a year back) when we were dropping Katie off at her college in California, we met up with another family we know from our previous church, and had dinner with them at the Keg and Platter there. (Now, that previous church was then already our previous church as of May or June of that year.) We talked about a great many things, and were having a great time. But we as a family were not sure whether they as a family knew that we had left their church. It isn't an enormous church, just a few hundred there, but there are two services, and besides, this family had close family friends who were all excited about their daughter's engagement and I think it had them all distracted. We didn't know of any tactful way to broach the subject, and so we just didn't bring it up. What do you do, change the subject from all the various distractions at the college and say, "By the way, did you know that we left the church many months ago?" We didn't want them choking on their steak, after all. It really was fairly amusing, considering that we tend to be at church every Sunday--more faithfully than most of the pastors we've ever known--because we hardly travel, at all. Yes, now you wonder why I have so little to blog about? Yes. That may be it.
And there was another funny thing. Somehow Tim talked us into allowing him to order a mocha-flavored dessert. Let me note to you now, sugar and caffeine in a 9-year-old boy is not a good idea. I know that now. He ate the dessert without much attention and fanfare, but that was not the end of it. Something got him giggling, and he laughed, and laughed, and wasn't stopping. Now don't dismiss that, it wasn't that he didn't want to stop. We kept dropping our conversation, remarking on Tim's giggling, starting up again, and then stopping again. Finally we realized he was doing something akin to hyperventilating, and he just couldn't stop. He was in pain. We didn't have a paper bag for him to breathe into, so we gave him a paper napkin to put over his face, holding it there and breathing through it. It worked. He stopped his giggling and for the rest of the night, he was sufficiently sober and sane. I don't think he slept well that night, though.
Well, months later...Katie was talking down at college to a group of students there, and the subject of our church change came up. For the moment she forgot that one of the students was a member of that family, and would definitely find it significant. So word got back to his family, and there it was, at least September or October, and finally this unintentional secret was out. Ha! Yes, I thought it was pretty amusing, at least once I concluded that they really hadn't known all that time.
The mother came to me later and told me that she had taken it personally that I hadn't told her. I told her how we were stymied as to how to bring it up, and she understood. I told her that if I'd known, I would have gone to her first thing and told her, and she would have gone, "Why are you telling me about it?" And she agreed that that, too, would have been the case. Sometimes you just can't satisfy a person, no matter how you do it.
Last August (nearly a year back) when we were dropping Katie off at her college in California, we met up with another family we know from our previous church, and had dinner with them at the Keg and Platter there. (Now, that previous church was then already our previous church as of May or June of that year.) We talked about a great many things, and were having a great time. But we as a family were not sure whether they as a family knew that we had left their church. It isn't an enormous church, just a few hundred there, but there are two services, and besides, this family had close family friends who were all excited about their daughter's engagement and I think it had them all distracted. We didn't know of any tactful way to broach the subject, and so we just didn't bring it up. What do you do, change the subject from all the various distractions at the college and say, "By the way, did you know that we left the church many months ago?" We didn't want them choking on their steak, after all. It really was fairly amusing, considering that we tend to be at church every Sunday--more faithfully than most of the pastors we've ever known--because we hardly travel, at all. Yes, now you wonder why I have so little to blog about? Yes. That may be it.
And there was another funny thing. Somehow Tim talked us into allowing him to order a mocha-flavored dessert. Let me note to you now, sugar and caffeine in a 9-year-old boy is not a good idea. I know that now. He ate the dessert without much attention and fanfare, but that was not the end of it. Something got him giggling, and he laughed, and laughed, and wasn't stopping. Now don't dismiss that, it wasn't that he didn't want to stop. We kept dropping our conversation, remarking on Tim's giggling, starting up again, and then stopping again. Finally we realized he was doing something akin to hyperventilating, and he just couldn't stop. He was in pain. We didn't have a paper bag for him to breathe into, so we gave him a paper napkin to put over his face, holding it there and breathing through it. It worked. He stopped his giggling and for the rest of the night, he was sufficiently sober and sane. I don't think he slept well that night, though.
Well, months later...Katie was talking down at college to a group of students there, and the subject of our church change came up. For the moment she forgot that one of the students was a member of that family, and would definitely find it significant. So word got back to his family, and there it was, at least September or October, and finally this unintentional secret was out. Ha! Yes, I thought it was pretty amusing, at least once I concluded that they really hadn't known all that time.
The mother came to me later and told me that she had taken it personally that I hadn't told her. I told her how we were stymied as to how to bring it up, and she understood. I told her that if I'd known, I would have gone to her first thing and told her, and she would have gone, "Why are you telling me about it?" And she agreed that that, too, would have been the case. Sometimes you just can't satisfy a person, no matter how you do it.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Raspberries and Houseguests put the Extra in Extraordinary
It's a busy week. I suppose they all are! God wants us to be busy, not bored, I'm convinced! Katie has her friend Erica from California here, and they and her friend Haley are busy trying to fill the time as full as possible without it popping. They've had orange chicken at Haley's for lunch and hung around making an O Canada rap video together; they had carne asada at our house for dinner, hung around Haley's house again overnight, and then come back to ours; yesterday we all went raspberry picking--and picked a ton or so. Then they made some jam for Haley to take home. Alas, Erica probably can't take it home on the plane without it bursting. (Today, of course, I will Lord willing be making oodles of jam for ourselves and hopefully for gift giving.) I gave everyone a spoonful of the remaining jam after the jars were filled; I guess I was the only one who loves jam as much as I do. In fact, Erica was skeptical still about the jam, its texture, because actually, she had never tasted jam (she's probably the only one remaining in the U.S. who had never had jam, ever ever). After they made jam, and had carne asada leftovers, they went (as if that wasn't enough activity for a day) to a midnight showing of a Batman movie that Katie balked at but the others talked her into--and came in at 3 a.m. all hating the movie, and slept a good while into the day.
This morning (or was it early afternoon? I don't remember), I made them some pancakes and they put jam on them. I think we've made our case for jam, because Erica liked them with jam on them, didn't use the syrup I also put out. I feel like I did some jam evangelism. If spoon-feeding the gospel were only so easy! And now they are pondering the rest of their day; they've all taken some turns on the computer facebooking with friends and whatnot. I think they'll be out for the afternoon, while I make jam. I'm glad that they are as independent as they are, able to entertain themselves some of the time, because my hospitality is only any good in fits and starts, and then I have to attend to boring stuff like Costco runs and grocery shopping and jam making.
So it's a very ordinary post, on a rather ordinary but also extraordinary day at our house, without a particular point to it. I hope your day is as pleasant as ours, even if it is as ordinary. And may you be blessed with a taste of fresh raspberry jam, as well.
This morning (or was it early afternoon? I don't remember), I made them some pancakes and they put jam on them. I think we've made our case for jam, because Erica liked them with jam on them, didn't use the syrup I also put out. I feel like I did some jam evangelism. If spoon-feeding the gospel were only so easy! And now they are pondering the rest of their day; they've all taken some turns on the computer facebooking with friends and whatnot. I think they'll be out for the afternoon, while I make jam. I'm glad that they are as independent as they are, able to entertain themselves some of the time, because my hospitality is only any good in fits and starts, and then I have to attend to boring stuff like Costco runs and grocery shopping and jam making.
So it's a very ordinary post, on a rather ordinary but also extraordinary day at our house, without a particular point to it. I hope your day is as pleasant as ours, even if it is as ordinary. And may you be blessed with a taste of fresh raspberry jam, as well.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Whirlwinds Abound!
Well, I am about as exhausted as I get, right now. We've had a busy and wonderful weekend, seen a lot of people, and done a lot of stuff. The first memorable event that started it off on Friday was going to Leila's baby shower (I always have to think when I have a friend whose name starts with L: Leila, Lanae, LeeAnna, LeeAnn, Lila, Lori, Lois...what is this? Their moms sure have messed with my messy mind! I'm glad though. I wouldn't give up knowing even one of them.). Leila goes to our previous church. I was hesitant to go when we got the invite, for the awkwardness, but then I saw the hostess of the shower at WalMart and she greeted me before I even saw her, and assured me that I ought to go. Hot dog! It was great to see the ladies there. And of course, Leila's beautiful baby girl, Marian Marie! God is so good!
The next day, Saturday, there was a wedding reception for Kim, who was in Katie's first youth ministry small group--again, from our previous church. I got to know her mom from the Bible studies we attended and other events. She was so caught up in the impending engagement and all the hoopla that she didn't realize for months, I think, that we'd left the church. Ha! That was kind of amusing. And we saw a lot of the same ladies as I'd seen the day before.
Our next event after church yesterday, Sunday, was a good-bye potluck and bbq gathering for our friends Lanae and Scott and their three sons (who are Tim's closest friends)...alas! Scott's in the military and they are moving to Denver. So we attended that and again saw some of the same people we'd seen at the previous two events...which was again wonderful, if it didn't signify their leaving! (And one fellow who we saw for the first time in four years asked Gary what church we're attending now--turns out he's looking to change as well! We couldn't more highly recommend a church than where we're going. It may not be for everyone--which is a good thing, from my human perspective--but we love it!)
Last night, still Sunday, we were having our friend Jay over for dinner. Of course, that was a blast--I blogged about it just previous to this post. It was an upbeat intermission between Lanae and Scott's goodbye party and their sons coming over for a couple of days while they pack up.
Yes, and this morning, Monday, Lanae's three boys came over. We took them along with us to Mt. Vernon to get Katie's food handler's permit and then to Red Robin to document her ability to work there. Took Katie then to a babysitting job, and I've been home pretty much ever since. Yow. I'm tired! We were going to have Lanae and Scott over for dinner. No meal ideas were coming to mind, exactly. I always make homemade mac n' cheese when the boys come over, at least for lunch, and I'd cooked up some pot roast I had ready to go in the fridge, but it wasn't enough for all of our dinner--so I started on making some tuna-rice casserole. I started the rice, but couldn't find the tuna that I was convinced was in the pantry. (If you saw our pantry, you'd know why.) Gary brought some home. Meanwhile I made cornbread and a pumpkin dessert, but then also needed to make cupcakes, partially because it's my friend-neighbor Stacia's birthday (and our pastor's too, but he doesn't get our cupcakes today). Lanae called and cancelled--they're not done packing up. "Oh, that's quite alright. Just come tomorrow and eat whenever you want. I don't mind at all." And it's true. It was actually a relief, if she only knew!
A couple of times, I've had to sit in our recliner a few minutes, and let the blood go back up from my ankles. My friend Lanae is exhausted, but I'm wondering if it's possible for her to be more tired than her crazy friend who's going to miss her terribly.
I'm not done yet with this busy, people-filled weekend, either. The boys are staying overnight, complete with muddy shoes, socks and pants from a trip to the creek, mysterious puddles all over the kitchen floor that apparently aren't thanks to any of them, and lots of questions regarding "Where did so-and-so go?" (Over the river and through the woods, maybe..) "Have you seen the clone fighter that was just here?" (Oh, of course! Third pile of junk to the left...) "Where are my flip-flops?" (Well, I wasn't tracking you when you took them off, so retrace your steps...) And my questions to them, "Would you please close that door?" "Could you eat your cupcake over your plate?" I think I'll slip the boys a sedative, pile them up and rest my feet on them. Just kidding. I love those boys, who are all boy in the extreme, and we'll all miss them. They may conk out pretty fast thanks to their own level of busy-ness and excitement; at the moment, they have recruited Gary to be outside lighting firecrackers to finish off the day. I know they'll be awake around 7 a.m., too; they don't sleep in. Denver, be ready for these boys' arrival. We will all be wishing Denver weren't so far away!
The next day, Saturday, there was a wedding reception for Kim, who was in Katie's first youth ministry small group--again, from our previous church. I got to know her mom from the Bible studies we attended and other events. She was so caught up in the impending engagement and all the hoopla that she didn't realize for months, I think, that we'd left the church. Ha! That was kind of amusing. And we saw a lot of the same ladies as I'd seen the day before.
Our next event after church yesterday, Sunday, was a good-bye potluck and bbq gathering for our friends Lanae and Scott and their three sons (who are Tim's closest friends)...alas! Scott's in the military and they are moving to Denver. So we attended that and again saw some of the same people we'd seen at the previous two events...which was again wonderful, if it didn't signify their leaving! (And one fellow who we saw for the first time in four years asked Gary what church we're attending now--turns out he's looking to change as well! We couldn't more highly recommend a church than where we're going. It may not be for everyone--which is a good thing, from my human perspective--but we love it!)
Last night, still Sunday, we were having our friend Jay over for dinner. Of course, that was a blast--I blogged about it just previous to this post. It was an upbeat intermission between Lanae and Scott's goodbye party and their sons coming over for a couple of days while they pack up.
Yes, and this morning, Monday, Lanae's three boys came over. We took them along with us to Mt. Vernon to get Katie's food handler's permit and then to Red Robin to document her ability to work there. Took Katie then to a babysitting job, and I've been home pretty much ever since. Yow. I'm tired! We were going to have Lanae and Scott over for dinner. No meal ideas were coming to mind, exactly. I always make homemade mac n' cheese when the boys come over, at least for lunch, and I'd cooked up some pot roast I had ready to go in the fridge, but it wasn't enough for all of our dinner--so I started on making some tuna-rice casserole. I started the rice, but couldn't find the tuna that I was convinced was in the pantry. (If you saw our pantry, you'd know why.) Gary brought some home. Meanwhile I made cornbread and a pumpkin dessert, but then also needed to make cupcakes, partially because it's my friend-neighbor Stacia's birthday (and our pastor's too, but he doesn't get our cupcakes today). Lanae called and cancelled--they're not done packing up. "Oh, that's quite alright. Just come tomorrow and eat whenever you want. I don't mind at all." And it's true. It was actually a relief, if she only knew!
A couple of times, I've had to sit in our recliner a few minutes, and let the blood go back up from my ankles. My friend Lanae is exhausted, but I'm wondering if it's possible for her to be more tired than her crazy friend who's going to miss her terribly.
I'm not done yet with this busy, people-filled weekend, either. The boys are staying overnight, complete with muddy shoes, socks and pants from a trip to the creek, mysterious puddles all over the kitchen floor that apparently aren't thanks to any of them, and lots of questions regarding "Where did so-and-so go?" (Over the river and through the woods, maybe..) "Have you seen the clone fighter that was just here?" (Oh, of course! Third pile of junk to the left...) "Where are my flip-flops?" (Well, I wasn't tracking you when you took them off, so retrace your steps...) And my questions to them, "Would you please close that door?" "Could you eat your cupcake over your plate?" I think I'll slip the boys a sedative, pile them up and rest my feet on them. Just kidding. I love those boys, who are all boy in the extreme, and we'll all miss them. They may conk out pretty fast thanks to their own level of busy-ness and excitement; at the moment, they have recruited Gary to be outside lighting firecrackers to finish off the day. I know they'll be awake around 7 a.m., too; they don't sleep in. Denver, be ready for these boys' arrival. We will all be wishing Denver weren't so far away!
Friendship, Fellowship and Gladness
For the last couple of months, our Pastor Ken and his wife Kit have been on an overdue, much-deserved and needed Sabbatical. They did not go far, only to Alki. It was just a time to get away and reflect and redirect their ministry back into line with what God's priorities are for them. I hope it is very restorative and refreshing.
One of the things that Kit mentioned that she would find encouraging was the hope that someone would draw their son Jay into mealtimes during their absence. This seemed just in line with the very things that we would want to do. Jay is a far quieter sort than we are. When a person is quiet, I tend to be mystified by them, intrigued to know what they are quietly thinking. I respect the person of fewer words; I can't imitate their quiet nature at length, because I become downcast if I am quiet too long. The Bible has great things to say about the quiet person, and not so great about the person of many words. I guess this should incline the talkative person to be careful in their choice of words, and as time goes on, I am improving in this, but I have a long way to go.
Anyway, Jay has been coming over here most Sundays. A couple of times we have had another person too, but most of the time it has just been him. It has been great to get to know him, to see him become more relaxed around us. I think he has become a bit readier to speak around us, to know what to say. We have all come to really enjoy his visits more every time.
Jay never declines to play games when he comes to visit. (For some reason this has surprised me; I'm not one to think of playing games, but we've done it more consistently when he's here than any time previous.) We've played Mexican train dominoes, Scattergories, Nerts and Dutch Blitz. Maybe some other games too, but I don't remember. It seems that games bring out the competitor in me, to my shame. I get pretty intense during the games; Katie does, too, making all sorts of snide sideways comments in my direction (I never make any in hers, do I?) and making all sorts of funny noises as she looks for an available outlet toward a winning hand. Jay quietly works at his game and just observes us with patient interest as we compete and ever more patience as we laugh hysterically, uncontrollably, if we win. (He says his father suffers that same tendency. Our pastor? Shocking!)
And we learn wonderful little things about the history of the church we're attending, about their family, about life in Granite Falls. Jay learns funny little things about our family, like how Tim looks like a little bear in his fleece pajamas, and how readily our meats go up in flames on the barbecue or our rice goes up in smoke on the stove, or our defenses flare during game time, or my Erma Bombeck style of housekeeping. We learn how patient he is with all our faults, how easygoing and kind; he learns how passionate we are about every little thing.
Though it appears we are opposites, I think we are getting along well together. I hope this pattern of visits will become a regular aspect of our lives, that there is no reason for it to stop just because his family will be back together. Pretty neat how a quiet single guy and a crazy family can come together in friendship and faith and fun, and it all works out for good. God has blessed this time of fellowship! And we are glad.
One of the things that Kit mentioned that she would find encouraging was the hope that someone would draw their son Jay into mealtimes during their absence. This seemed just in line with the very things that we would want to do. Jay is a far quieter sort than we are. When a person is quiet, I tend to be mystified by them, intrigued to know what they are quietly thinking. I respect the person of fewer words; I can't imitate their quiet nature at length, because I become downcast if I am quiet too long. The Bible has great things to say about the quiet person, and not so great about the person of many words. I guess this should incline the talkative person to be careful in their choice of words, and as time goes on, I am improving in this, but I have a long way to go.
Anyway, Jay has been coming over here most Sundays. A couple of times we have had another person too, but most of the time it has just been him. It has been great to get to know him, to see him become more relaxed around us. I think he has become a bit readier to speak around us, to know what to say. We have all come to really enjoy his visits more every time.
Jay never declines to play games when he comes to visit. (For some reason this has surprised me; I'm not one to think of playing games, but we've done it more consistently when he's here than any time previous.) We've played Mexican train dominoes, Scattergories, Nerts and Dutch Blitz. Maybe some other games too, but I don't remember. It seems that games bring out the competitor in me, to my shame. I get pretty intense during the games; Katie does, too, making all sorts of snide sideways comments in my direction (I never make any in hers, do I?) and making all sorts of funny noises as she looks for an available outlet toward a winning hand. Jay quietly works at his game and just observes us with patient interest as we compete and ever more patience as we laugh hysterically, uncontrollably, if we win. (He says his father suffers that same tendency. Our pastor? Shocking!)
And we learn wonderful little things about the history of the church we're attending, about their family, about life in Granite Falls. Jay learns funny little things about our family, like how Tim looks like a little bear in his fleece pajamas, and how readily our meats go up in flames on the barbecue or our rice goes up in smoke on the stove, or our defenses flare during game time, or my Erma Bombeck style of housekeeping. We learn how patient he is with all our faults, how easygoing and kind; he learns how passionate we are about every little thing.
Though it appears we are opposites, I think we are getting along well together. I hope this pattern of visits will become a regular aspect of our lives, that there is no reason for it to stop just because his family will be back together. Pretty neat how a quiet single guy and a crazy family can come together in friendship and faith and fun, and it all works out for good. God has blessed this time of fellowship! And we are glad.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Scrabulous!
I've been enjoying facebook online since Katie went off to college. It's a great way to stay in touch with people with whom you might otherwise fall out of contact. Katie has re-established contact with various friends even from when she was in fifth grade. I, too, have enjoyed the benefit of this phenomenon, such as through contact with a sweet chum of mine who was in 4th grade when I last saw her, Grace. But I wasn't in 4th grade. I was the director of her Awana Chums club! She and her brothers were also involved in a homeschool music ministry along with Katie, a ministry which was attended by Tim for the first time this year. That music ministry has been run all along by Tina Riley, who now attends the Alliance Church in Granite Falls, the sweet tiny church we started attending last year. (We met Tina, and Grace, at our previous church.)
So Grace contacted me after all the four years since she moved away, befriended me on facebook, and invited me to a game of Scrabulous (a form of Scrabble) online, one of the many applications that are available on facebook. Scrabble is one of my favorite games! She almost hooked me right off the bat.
At first I didn't take her up on it, because of the time that it can take to complete a game, and the many other demands I might encounter in a day--but with this type of Scrabble, she told me that it can be finished later. (The nice thing with that, too, is that the game doesn't occupy the table until you can finish it.) She's really quite good at the game, too!
Now I can tell you, I am not too swift at how to IM and do other things at the same time; and then with the game, it has a feature where you can look up potential words you are hoping to use. They open up on another tab (or screen), and it gets a little perplexing if you get a few of these open--which I did. Well, I tried closing a few of those and accidentally closed the game too. So, since the Scrabulous feature doesn't yet show up on my facebook, I didn't know how to get back to it. By that time, my friend Grace had to go off to bed or something, and so we have an unfinished game. No matter. We can do it again at another time. I think I'll practice in the meantime and get all these little techniques down so I don't shut down my end of the game unintentionally again.
I ponder that, though. It isn't just the pleasure of Scrabble, but it's like drawing people residing in Tennessee and Washington together with only a table in between, covered with a game and a bunch of little square wooden letter pieces. It's like picking up from about four years ago, with a girl who's probably changed more than I have, but who is unusually able and willing to reach out from her world into that of an adult she knew what must seem so long ago to her. If our families hadn't attended the same church, or been involved in the same homeschool music ministry at the time, we wouldn't have known each other. Both things were functions of knowing Christ. So Christ is who drew us together to begin with, and He is our Sustainer; every good and perfect gift comes from above...including otherwise unlikely friendships that might have so easily unraveled but for His sustaining power and goodness.
So Grace contacted me after all the four years since she moved away, befriended me on facebook, and invited me to a game of Scrabulous (a form of Scrabble) online, one of the many applications that are available on facebook. Scrabble is one of my favorite games! She almost hooked me right off the bat.
At first I didn't take her up on it, because of the time that it can take to complete a game, and the many other demands I might encounter in a day--but with this type of Scrabble, she told me that it can be finished later. (The nice thing with that, too, is that the game doesn't occupy the table until you can finish it.) She's really quite good at the game, too!
Now I can tell you, I am not too swift at how to IM and do other things at the same time; and then with the game, it has a feature where you can look up potential words you are hoping to use. They open up on another tab (or screen), and it gets a little perplexing if you get a few of these open--which I did. Well, I tried closing a few of those and accidentally closed the game too. So, since the Scrabulous feature doesn't yet show up on my facebook, I didn't know how to get back to it. By that time, my friend Grace had to go off to bed or something, and so we have an unfinished game. No matter. We can do it again at another time. I think I'll practice in the meantime and get all these little techniques down so I don't shut down my end of the game unintentionally again.
I ponder that, though. It isn't just the pleasure of Scrabble, but it's like drawing people residing in Tennessee and Washington together with only a table in between, covered with a game and a bunch of little square wooden letter pieces. It's like picking up from about four years ago, with a girl who's probably changed more than I have, but who is unusually able and willing to reach out from her world into that of an adult she knew what must seem so long ago to her. If our families hadn't attended the same church, or been involved in the same homeschool music ministry at the time, we wouldn't have known each other. Both things were functions of knowing Christ. So Christ is who drew us together to begin with, and He is our Sustainer; every good and perfect gift comes from above...including otherwise unlikely friendships that might have so easily unraveled but for His sustaining power and goodness.
Monday, June 09, 2008
She's Back Home; Now What?
Katie came home from college and got rested up for the first couple of weeks, applying for jobs and doing various little things adjusting back to life in Washington. Then she went down to California for a wedding, and I think she got a little shot of the peer-life that she's been enjoying in the college realm. On the way home from the airport, she started saying how quickly she connected not only at the wedding, but that Sunday with the congregation at the church down there (even her friend remarked on how quickly she connected with people there); and she described how lonely she is up here. Aaagh.
I understand how great it must be to be a young woman in a college environment; all the more for a girl who was homeschooled and dealt with some degree of loneliness or isolation much of the time growing up. A Christian college dorm can't help being an "in the salt-shaker" kind of habitat. She's made lots of Christian friends, all varying levels and varieties of wonderful. I know to an extent what that is like when I go to church, experiencing it maybe for a few hours, or maybe off at a women's retreat, but to live in it, I have just never experienced it--never knew to miss it! Never stayed in a dorm; the only time I shared an apartment with a girl friend, neither of us were Christians, and actually it didn't work out that well. Still, when I come home from a women's retreat, I'm actually relieved to get back to life as usual, back to the regular routine; the ongoing excitement of dorm life would probably kill me!
We changed churches a few months before Katie left for college, and between that change and then changing to a church near her college, then back again to our new church, it's short-circuited her connecting with either congregation all that well. That disconnect creates all the more adjustment back to everyday home life. We're just the same 3 other family members every morning, and no doubt we are so much different in our level of energy or affirmation or activity than what she's used to at college.
So I see what used to be our adult-oriented daughter becoming so much more peer-oriented. I would have balked at that during the years that we were homeschooling, for family strength and character-building reasons. Now, though, it's not entirely unhealthy. It's time for her to stretch her wings and start flying into her own world a bit, from the safety of her home environment. The peer influence in elementary to high-school years has a way of causing more of an emotional separation from parents that is premature, undermining authority and bringing the children to strive for an independence for which they aren't prepared, but she's 20 now, and those priorities have changed in importance, and will all the more as she ventures further into adulthood.
Still, the fact that she so struggles when she leaves the peer life and comes home to us is disheartening a bit, when we're not used to feeling so inadequate for her perceived needs. She's hooked on a level of social interaction that there's no way that we can provide or imitate; it's a sensory deprivation that is a relief during the short visits on holidays; but for the summer months, that relief turns into feelings of boredom and isolation. I know when she gets a job, that will help, but in the meantime, it's a struggle.
Knowing what she's experiencing now, would I regret her having gone and returning with this disenchantment? Never. I don't exactly know what to do with her now that she's home, but I'm glad she's gained the friends she has, the new perspective, the confidence, the input of someone other than her old mother...even if her impression of home life has become a bit faded and dull. When she needs the safety and support, we're here; when she doesn't so much, she's free to explore the many great possibilities that will be opening up to her. Maybe if being at home doesn't fully suit her, she'll be working harder to achieve her independence, and maybe that will be a healthy thing.
I understand how great it must be to be a young woman in a college environment; all the more for a girl who was homeschooled and dealt with some degree of loneliness or isolation much of the time growing up. A Christian college dorm can't help being an "in the salt-shaker" kind of habitat. She's made lots of Christian friends, all varying levels and varieties of wonderful. I know to an extent what that is like when I go to church, experiencing it maybe for a few hours, or maybe off at a women's retreat, but to live in it, I have just never experienced it--never knew to miss it! Never stayed in a dorm; the only time I shared an apartment with a girl friend, neither of us were Christians, and actually it didn't work out that well. Still, when I come home from a women's retreat, I'm actually relieved to get back to life as usual, back to the regular routine; the ongoing excitement of dorm life would probably kill me!
We changed churches a few months before Katie left for college, and between that change and then changing to a church near her college, then back again to our new church, it's short-circuited her connecting with either congregation all that well. That disconnect creates all the more adjustment back to everyday home life. We're just the same 3 other family members every morning, and no doubt we are so much different in our level of energy or affirmation or activity than what she's used to at college.
So I see what used to be our adult-oriented daughter becoming so much more peer-oriented. I would have balked at that during the years that we were homeschooling, for family strength and character-building reasons. Now, though, it's not entirely unhealthy. It's time for her to stretch her wings and start flying into her own world a bit, from the safety of her home environment. The peer influence in elementary to high-school years has a way of causing more of an emotional separation from parents that is premature, undermining authority and bringing the children to strive for an independence for which they aren't prepared, but she's 20 now, and those priorities have changed in importance, and will all the more as she ventures further into adulthood.
Still, the fact that she so struggles when she leaves the peer life and comes home to us is disheartening a bit, when we're not used to feeling so inadequate for her perceived needs. She's hooked on a level of social interaction that there's no way that we can provide or imitate; it's a sensory deprivation that is a relief during the short visits on holidays; but for the summer months, that relief turns into feelings of boredom and isolation. I know when she gets a job, that will help, but in the meantime, it's a struggle.
Knowing what she's experiencing now, would I regret her having gone and returning with this disenchantment? Never. I don't exactly know what to do with her now that she's home, but I'm glad she's gained the friends she has, the new perspective, the confidence, the input of someone other than her old mother...even if her impression of home life has become a bit faded and dull. When she needs the safety and support, we're here; when she doesn't so much, she's free to explore the many great possibilities that will be opening up to her. Maybe if being at home doesn't fully suit her, she'll be working harder to achieve her independence, and maybe that will be a healthy thing.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I Love Those Who Love Me, Pretty Much...But If They Don't?
Just yesterday I was e-mailing a friend and telling her why I didn't think I could paint with her on Sunday. I'm just too exhausted after church! It's strange that a few hours of church could so wipe me out, but it does. Last Sunday, toward the time we were almost ready to go home, I was realizing how jittery, kind of hyperactive, I felt, and it wasn't until about a half-hour of being home that it calmed down--and then I slept. I don't think it was just the coffee; I'd only had two cups, and I'm used to more. I think it was the excitement of seeing so many people who have become, or are becoming, friends in the church-family sense of the word. I love it! It's the highlight of my week, every time.
God's been working on me in relationships, probably most of all in our marriage, which came through some kind of rough spots especially for the first number of years (and held together pretty much entirely by God's grace!). I've been pondering that a bit lately. It would seem the obvious thing, but just lately I've been able to articulate to myself, "Self," so to speak, "if marriage is 'until death do us part,' no matter how we're feeling any particular day, we should make the best possible, most enjoyable thing of every day--then for the rest of our lives, we'll both be more content, and our relationship will more reflect that of Christ and the Church." Well, that wasn't too earthshakingly profound that I shouldn't have figured that out 25 years back (except that I didn't know Christ)...and I'm not sure whether I can really get the thought entirely into words...still, I think just putting it into my own words (inadequate though they may be) with my own brain in my own terms made it more real and pertinent and practicable. It's a good thing! It wasn't that we were being so horrible to one another (well, perhaps at times...), but we weren't the best we could be, and it was as much my fault as anything. I can be so prideful, and that's the last thing a marriage needs on either side! It could well have been our study in Ephesians and its description of marriage reflecting Christ and the Church that guided me in my renewed thought. Last Sunday, too, the visiting pastor spoke well on marriage from that passage, and gave many helpful insights.
It's true in friendships, too. Many of mine have gone by the wayside just because I didn't exactly pour myself into them. I guess you can only pour yourself so many directions and you start becoming a tiny trickle everywhere--but I do regret losing track of a number of friendships thanks to their moving away, or our changing churches, and my not pursuing communications with them. I'm not sure what the solution is when time is so at a premium. Still, time is valuable to everyone, and spending a little time on communication speaks volumes to the recipient. "Self, pursue those friends that have moved away." Maybe my little self-talk there will do some good; I should do the best with what I've been given, and when I don't think I have, I have some renewal-making to set myself doing! At least that should be enjoyable enough!
(Now isn't this something. Tim comes down from upstairs, and says out of the blue, "Why haven't we had the Gardners over?" Some friends from two churches back, who live about 3 or 4 miles away, who we've pretty much lost contact with--had them over about 5 years ago, and not since, though there's no reason not to except that time issue. The Lord works in strange ways...is this a sign?)
Not only friendships. All relationships. Relatives. I have to say when things get prickly with them, which they have readily enough, especially since we don't share the same faith, I just tend to retract and say no more. I need to improve there as well. It shows that I generally love those who love me (especially if they live nearby), and I don't very much love those who don't love me (Mt 5:43-48)...it reminds me of a poem from my English Literature class in college, by George Wither. (I think actually it has its healthy aspects in dealing with people; it's regarding a man who finds a woman attractive, but when she doesn't return the favor, he says this:)
God's been working on me in relationships, probably most of all in our marriage, which came through some kind of rough spots especially for the first number of years (and held together pretty much entirely by God's grace!). I've been pondering that a bit lately. It would seem the obvious thing, but just lately I've been able to articulate to myself, "Self," so to speak, "if marriage is 'until death do us part,' no matter how we're feeling any particular day, we should make the best possible, most enjoyable thing of every day--then for the rest of our lives, we'll both be more content, and our relationship will more reflect that of Christ and the Church." Well, that wasn't too earthshakingly profound that I shouldn't have figured that out 25 years back (except that I didn't know Christ)...and I'm not sure whether I can really get the thought entirely into words...still, I think just putting it into my own words (inadequate though they may be) with my own brain in my own terms made it more real and pertinent and practicable. It's a good thing! It wasn't that we were being so horrible to one another (well, perhaps at times...), but we weren't the best we could be, and it was as much my fault as anything. I can be so prideful, and that's the last thing a marriage needs on either side! It could well have been our study in Ephesians and its description of marriage reflecting Christ and the Church that guided me in my renewed thought. Last Sunday, too, the visiting pastor spoke well on marriage from that passage, and gave many helpful insights.
It's true in friendships, too. Many of mine have gone by the wayside just because I didn't exactly pour myself into them. I guess you can only pour yourself so many directions and you start becoming a tiny trickle everywhere--but I do regret losing track of a number of friendships thanks to their moving away, or our changing churches, and my not pursuing communications with them. I'm not sure what the solution is when time is so at a premium. Still, time is valuable to everyone, and spending a little time on communication speaks volumes to the recipient. "Self, pursue those friends that have moved away." Maybe my little self-talk there will do some good; I should do the best with what I've been given, and when I don't think I have, I have some renewal-making to set myself doing! At least that should be enjoyable enough!
(Now isn't this something. Tim comes down from upstairs, and says out of the blue, "Why haven't we had the Gardners over?" Some friends from two churches back, who live about 3 or 4 miles away, who we've pretty much lost contact with--had them over about 5 years ago, and not since, though there's no reason not to except that time issue. The Lord works in strange ways...is this a sign?)
Not only friendships. All relationships. Relatives. I have to say when things get prickly with them, which they have readily enough, especially since we don't share the same faith, I just tend to retract and say no more. I need to improve there as well. It shows that I generally love those who love me (especially if they live nearby), and I don't very much love those who don't love me (Mt 5:43-48)...it reminds me of a poem from my English Literature class in college, by George Wither. (I think actually it has its healthy aspects in dealing with people; it's regarding a man who finds a woman attractive, but when she doesn't return the favor, he says this:)
Shall I wasting in despair
--Die because a woman's fair
Or my cheeks make pale with care,
Because another's rosie are?
Be she fairer than the day,
Or the flowery meads of May,
If she be not so to me,
What care I how fair she be?
I tend to take the same tack if people don't see much merit in me--I so readily just dismiss them; after all, there are plenty of others to turn my focus upon. To an extent it's a reasonable thing to do, maybe the only reasonable thing; but with some relationships, such as relatives, I think maybe I give up too readily--since God has ordained that we will forever be related, likely to see each other at least at weddings and funerals, and if never in between--isn't that a dismally poor kind of relationship! "Self, do something to pursue the broken relationships with relatives." Sigh.
So, going to church and seeing so many lovely people just right there face to face, generally agreeable and sweet, my heart just bursts with anticipation at going there for worship and easy, wonderful fellowship. Who could not enjoy partaking of that? Perhaps I have the heart of a little kid, or a puppy. After church, I'm exhausted, and I need a nap. It is, after all, a day of rest.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Parting is Sweet Sorrow...
Our friends Lanae and Scott came over tonight with their three boys. I got to know her by doing the Excellent Wife study with her a couple of years ago. Her husband's in the military and so we don't see him as often as we see each other, but now they're looking to move away to Denver, and so our friendship is becoming all the more fraught with the dread of parting and we think of new ways to increase our getting together before it happens.
Our boys have hit it off--they go to music together once per week and she and I will take turns being with them and taking them for the afternoon, and at our house, when she picks her boys up, they all stay for dinner. It's been great for all of us! And though Lanae and Scott are quite a bit younger than we are, we just all get along so well, the conversation is constant and though they may intend to go and get the kids home for bedtimes, it tends to run on for another hour before they actually leave. This parting thing has been something of a pattern for Tim; he's made friends with various military family boys, or just other boys that have moved far away, and this is probably the closest family that he's been having to face that with so far. It's tough.
Perhaps this potential for parting makes us value friendships all the more; I would say it makes us appreciate our time with this family all the more, though we've been happy for their friendship and how easy it is from the time we got to know each other. Scott says that on his ship, there are co-workers who are suddenly realizing he won't be there any more, and their friendships with him that had been quite casual are suddenly becoming closer. It's a strange phenomenon, that we sometimes have to realize we're going to lose a relationship to start appreciating it.
The good thing is that we will probably keep in touch by e-mail, by phone, and maybe they or we will be able to visit, and they are talking about moving back when he's done in three years' time. It's still hard to lose them. Today's conversation was marked by a lot of their plans to get rid of furniture and belongings (I relate; we're doing the same thing) and the other natural concerns that come with a change of location and job position. I think I understand better now when Stacia next door gets edgy when I talk about us moving (though as time progresses I realize that preparing our house and scaling back our belongings is likely to take more work and time than I was thinking). But we're not moving to Denver--probably just closer to our church about 15 or so minutes' drive away. It's funny though. A year ago we were almost all-systems-go to move to Colorado ourselves, before it was the destination of our friends--though we had our sights on Colorado Springs rather than Denver. I had already spent significant time reading about it online (Colorado Springs was rated the most liveable city in America), looking at Realtor.com for the area (real estate prices there were about half what they are here), and I'd called various places regarding moving equipment and alternatives to figure out costs.
Instead we fell in love with this church we're attending, our whole family did, and now we can't think of unfastening ourselves for such a move as Colorado, though being sort of close to Lanae and Scott and their boys (for that three years) would surely be a plus if we did. I'm sure glad we're not in the military and subject to having them plan the course of our geographical locations. Granite Falls may just be stuck with us; how could we leave now? In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. (Prov. 16:9) I'm glad that's the case, He definitely knows better than we do what is best. His sovereignty often (read: nearly constantly) trumps my intentions, and it is a very good thing.
Our boys have hit it off--they go to music together once per week and she and I will take turns being with them and taking them for the afternoon, and at our house, when she picks her boys up, they all stay for dinner. It's been great for all of us! And though Lanae and Scott are quite a bit younger than we are, we just all get along so well, the conversation is constant and though they may intend to go and get the kids home for bedtimes, it tends to run on for another hour before they actually leave. This parting thing has been something of a pattern for Tim; he's made friends with various military family boys, or just other boys that have moved far away, and this is probably the closest family that he's been having to face that with so far. It's tough.
Perhaps this potential for parting makes us value friendships all the more; I would say it makes us appreciate our time with this family all the more, though we've been happy for their friendship and how easy it is from the time we got to know each other. Scott says that on his ship, there are co-workers who are suddenly realizing he won't be there any more, and their friendships with him that had been quite casual are suddenly becoming closer. It's a strange phenomenon, that we sometimes have to realize we're going to lose a relationship to start appreciating it.
The good thing is that we will probably keep in touch by e-mail, by phone, and maybe they or we will be able to visit, and they are talking about moving back when he's done in three years' time. It's still hard to lose them. Today's conversation was marked by a lot of their plans to get rid of furniture and belongings (I relate; we're doing the same thing) and the other natural concerns that come with a change of location and job position. I think I understand better now when Stacia next door gets edgy when I talk about us moving (though as time progresses I realize that preparing our house and scaling back our belongings is likely to take more work and time than I was thinking). But we're not moving to Denver--probably just closer to our church about 15 or so minutes' drive away. It's funny though. A year ago we were almost all-systems-go to move to Colorado ourselves, before it was the destination of our friends--though we had our sights on Colorado Springs rather than Denver. I had already spent significant time reading about it online (Colorado Springs was rated the most liveable city in America), looking at Realtor.com for the area (real estate prices there were about half what they are here), and I'd called various places regarding moving equipment and alternatives to figure out costs.
Instead we fell in love with this church we're attending, our whole family did, and now we can't think of unfastening ourselves for such a move as Colorado, though being sort of close to Lanae and Scott and their boys (for that three years) would surely be a plus if we did. I'm sure glad we're not in the military and subject to having them plan the course of our geographical locations. Granite Falls may just be stuck with us; how could we leave now? In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. (Prov. 16:9) I'm glad that's the case, He definitely knows better than we do what is best. His sovereignty often (read: nearly constantly) trumps my intentions, and it is a very good thing.
Friday, January 25, 2008
My Memory of My Father
My friend Lanae watched Tim yesterday--took him to music class along with her boys, and took him home to play with them afterward. We often trade off doing this, and I needed the afternoon, so next week is my turn. Anyway, when I came to pick him up we sat down and got talking. The talk turned to how much we remembered our dads--hers died when she was 11, mine died when I was 10. Funny, neither she nor I could remember their faces apart from pictures. All the stranger when I realize neither her boys nor Tim are yet 10, and they would probably be in the same condition if they lost one of their parents. I tend to think of Tim as so much older than I was at the time, and assume that of course he would remember us...and that's also strange.
Lanae and I both remember strange things. My dad was the strongest element in our family, in terms of running the show and holding us all to the consistent, precise, stated family rules and not letting any of us vary from the Jones program, all of which fell apart when he died. I know my dad and I got along well (but I don't remember how that manifested itself), I remember the dinnertime grace he used to say, I know of an actor whose voice sounds like his did, I remember that he thought we should send our tv programming to the Russians in order to win the Cold War. He loved steak and ice cream and eggs; he smoked and drank and I'm not sure what his beliefs were, but I think he was kind of impacted by a Catholic nun we knew. He was fastidious and kept his desk and his tools in their exact assigned order (and I learned not to touch anything in his desk or he would know it, no matter how carefully I put it back). He was conservative and I never knew until after he died that my mom is liberal--they must have agreed not to discuss it, because they never argued (my mom clams up if she doesn't agree--that's how she expresses it, unlike most of our family). He loved to spend money, though we never had any until I was 6, when his father died and he came into a trust from his mom.
I know he loved the "Cheaper by the Dozen" book on which the movies are loosely based, and he would have loved to have 12 kids--there were six of us. He probably would have had us homeschool if it were available at the time and especially if my mom had been willing (but she wouldn't have). He loved the outdoors so we went camping or on picnics even in the rain and wind; he loved tools and old cars, he made things, he barbecued, and he took thousands of pictures--only a few of which I have.
I don't remember many interactions between us, though. I remember the probably only time he ever spanked me, he immediately acted troubled about having done so (strange, since spanking all the older kids came perfectly natural to him). I remember him bringing a few presents home from outings on days other than special occasions, just because he wanted to. He and my mom used to go to coffee or lunch pretty much every day in the final few years of his life. And that is about all I remember.
When he died, the whole family's dynamics changed. My mom went to work probably about the time my little brother Greg started off to school, and my older brothers and sisters started being less family-focused and more outwardly social, the older ones dating, getting jobs, and doing typical teen things. I was generally at home, and as I recall I became more aware of being alone--with my little brother most of the time, but very much alone. The funny thing is, I don't remember much of that time at all--how my brother got to and from school (he was 7 years younger than I, and I never went with him), who watched him if I stayed after school (which hardly ever happened, if I remember right). I think if I asked Greg, maybe he could fill me in, but I don't think either of us were very happy with the setup.
The thing is, Lanae is very much like me in her memories of her father--she remembers the layout of his apartment (he and her mom had divorced), but not his face except in photos. She remembers weird little details, but not the overall picture; she too was alone at home most of the time in her remaining growing years, but doesn't remember the specifics of how she and her mom dealt with it. It must be something about the age.
She and I both felt impacted inwardly, socially messed up by being alone so much of our growing years. I remember that vividly, the painful feeling of not measuring up, of feeling that everyone else had it all together and that I never would. (It's a good thing in a way, because otherwise I might never have known my need for Christ!) I know what I've been like, and if God hasn't made me normal (whatever that is), at least He's made it so it doesn't matter; if my focus is on Him, and if He loves me, what does it matter how socially inept I might be, as long as I do my best? Lanae, in spite of having had this same awful inadequate feeling as well, seems so normal from everything I've seen. She does a fantastic job raising her three sons in spite of the fact that her husband's in the military and much of the parenting she does all on her own. God is great and gracious--and He restores the years the locusts have eaten. I know, in spite of a heightened awareness of my many inadequacies, so much more, how He is all my adequacy. Hallelujah!
It shows how man looks so readily at the outer appearance. We often don't know from observing a person on the outside what is really going on inside, or what their history is: what they've dealt with, what's changing, where they are as we see them today, how far they have come to get to where they are now, and how much more they have yet to go through. God does, and He does so entirely in love and compassion. He cares, our hurts are His hurts, and He is our Healer and Restorer, our Heavenly Father. Lanae and I both now have a Father, a perfect Father, who knows us and loves us and will never leave us nor forsake us. Already He has done a great amount of restoration. When we are done, we will be perfect as well; we will be like Him. Hallelujah, Amen!
Lanae and I both remember strange things. My dad was the strongest element in our family, in terms of running the show and holding us all to the consistent, precise, stated family rules and not letting any of us vary from the Jones program, all of which fell apart when he died. I know my dad and I got along well (but I don't remember how that manifested itself), I remember the dinnertime grace he used to say, I know of an actor whose voice sounds like his did, I remember that he thought we should send our tv programming to the Russians in order to win the Cold War. He loved steak and ice cream and eggs; he smoked and drank and I'm not sure what his beliefs were, but I think he was kind of impacted by a Catholic nun we knew. He was fastidious and kept his desk and his tools in their exact assigned order (and I learned not to touch anything in his desk or he would know it, no matter how carefully I put it back). He was conservative and I never knew until after he died that my mom is liberal--they must have agreed not to discuss it, because they never argued (my mom clams up if she doesn't agree--that's how she expresses it, unlike most of our family). He loved to spend money, though we never had any until I was 6, when his father died and he came into a trust from his mom.
I know he loved the "Cheaper by the Dozen" book on which the movies are loosely based, and he would have loved to have 12 kids--there were six of us. He probably would have had us homeschool if it were available at the time and especially if my mom had been willing (but she wouldn't have). He loved the outdoors so we went camping or on picnics even in the rain and wind; he loved tools and old cars, he made things, he barbecued, and he took thousands of pictures--only a few of which I have.
I don't remember many interactions between us, though. I remember the probably only time he ever spanked me, he immediately acted troubled about having done so (strange, since spanking all the older kids came perfectly natural to him). I remember him bringing a few presents home from outings on days other than special occasions, just because he wanted to. He and my mom used to go to coffee or lunch pretty much every day in the final few years of his life. And that is about all I remember.
When he died, the whole family's dynamics changed. My mom went to work probably about the time my little brother Greg started off to school, and my older brothers and sisters started being less family-focused and more outwardly social, the older ones dating, getting jobs, and doing typical teen things. I was generally at home, and as I recall I became more aware of being alone--with my little brother most of the time, but very much alone. The funny thing is, I don't remember much of that time at all--how my brother got to and from school (he was 7 years younger than I, and I never went with him), who watched him if I stayed after school (which hardly ever happened, if I remember right). I think if I asked Greg, maybe he could fill me in, but I don't think either of us were very happy with the setup.
The thing is, Lanae is very much like me in her memories of her father--she remembers the layout of his apartment (he and her mom had divorced), but not his face except in photos. She remembers weird little details, but not the overall picture; she too was alone at home most of the time in her remaining growing years, but doesn't remember the specifics of how she and her mom dealt with it. It must be something about the age.
She and I both felt impacted inwardly, socially messed up by being alone so much of our growing years. I remember that vividly, the painful feeling of not measuring up, of feeling that everyone else had it all together and that I never would. (It's a good thing in a way, because otherwise I might never have known my need for Christ!) I know what I've been like, and if God hasn't made me normal (whatever that is), at least He's made it so it doesn't matter; if my focus is on Him, and if He loves me, what does it matter how socially inept I might be, as long as I do my best? Lanae, in spite of having had this same awful inadequate feeling as well, seems so normal from everything I've seen. She does a fantastic job raising her three sons in spite of the fact that her husband's in the military and much of the parenting she does all on her own. God is great and gracious--and He restores the years the locusts have eaten. I know, in spite of a heightened awareness of my many inadequacies, so much more, how He is all my adequacy. Hallelujah!
It shows how man looks so readily at the outer appearance. We often don't know from observing a person on the outside what is really going on inside, or what their history is: what they've dealt with, what's changing, where they are as we see them today, how far they have come to get to where they are now, and how much more they have yet to go through. God does, and He does so entirely in love and compassion. He cares, our hurts are His hurts, and He is our Healer and Restorer, our Heavenly Father. Lanae and I both now have a Father, a perfect Father, who knows us and loves us and will never leave us nor forsake us. Already He has done a great amount of restoration. When we are done, we will be perfect as well; we will be like Him. Hallelujah, Amen!
Sharing Tattoos
This morning I was pondering (in reference to yesterday's lunch) why we as women tend not to focus on the easy and good and happy things that have happened in our lives, but the difficult things, when we get to know each other and compare notes. It's a little like sailors comparing tattoos, we wear our trials like a badge and find commonality that links us. You can see this when it comes to birth stories; seems like invariably one doesn't even finish hers when another chimes in and (unfortunately) usually one-ups her in one or more ways. Sometimes it's hard to tell which one was more difficult, they all have such various elements. (Don't ever let these get started with a pregnant woman around, they can get pretty frightening!) I suppose if I met someone who'd never had trials, I'd need to focus on all the easy things instead. Somehow it seems like it wouldn't bind us as well, and I'm not sure why.
Perhaps the going through of trials shows us that God has enabled us to be stronger than we thought we could be (and of course on our own we wouldn't show up strong at all). The trials make us better, by strengthening our faith and reliance on God, and knowing He really doesn't ever fail us. As unbelievers, people do get through the trials somehow, but it isn't in victory. It may be in a resigned way, not knowing that God has a reason in it that we might know Him better; or especially, more usually, a bitter way. Bitterness shows that we haven't had God at the center of it, but ourselves, and we expect that it should have been better for us. I would much rather go through these things with Him; in fact I remember in the loss of a pregnancy resolving that I would watch for His hand through the whole process. The great thing I found was that He was all over it; I felt that He was closer than if He'd had skin. One of my favorite Bible verses, strangely enough, is, "It was good that I be afflicted, that I might learn Your decrees." This verse has gotten me through these many things (if you're wondering what, I've blogged about most of them, so you could read about them by going through the links, because they do help me learn about God and His great love) and I am strengthened.
So when women share the hard things they've gone through in life, if they're believers, it's iron sharpening iron, and we are encouraged for the next round. We see that God has gotten them through it, and He will do the same for us. Looking back in my life, it's the difficulties that have made me what I am today, and whatever that is, feeble enough though it is, it's much better than I was 25 years ago. God is faithful to provide for His people; He teaches us through these things so we can be a help to those around us.
Perhaps the going through of trials shows us that God has enabled us to be stronger than we thought we could be (and of course on our own we wouldn't show up strong at all). The trials make us better, by strengthening our faith and reliance on God, and knowing He really doesn't ever fail us. As unbelievers, people do get through the trials somehow, but it isn't in victory. It may be in a resigned way, not knowing that God has a reason in it that we might know Him better; or especially, more usually, a bitter way. Bitterness shows that we haven't had God at the center of it, but ourselves, and we expect that it should have been better for us. I would much rather go through these things with Him; in fact I remember in the loss of a pregnancy resolving that I would watch for His hand through the whole process. The great thing I found was that He was all over it; I felt that He was closer than if He'd had skin. One of my favorite Bible verses, strangely enough, is, "It was good that I be afflicted, that I might learn Your decrees." This verse has gotten me through these many things (if you're wondering what, I've blogged about most of them, so you could read about them by going through the links, because they do help me learn about God and His great love) and I am strengthened.
So when women share the hard things they've gone through in life, if they're believers, it's iron sharpening iron, and we are encouraged for the next round. We see that God has gotten them through it, and He will do the same for us. Looking back in my life, it's the difficulties that have made me what I am today, and whatever that is, feeble enough though it is, it's much better than I was 25 years ago. God is faithful to provide for His people; He teaches us through these things so we can be a help to those around us.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
A Few Hours of Fellowship over Lunch
Today I got to go to lunch with our pastor's wife, Kit. I'd been anticipating doing so for some weeks, and the opportunity just now presented itself, delayed in part because of her appendectomy and winter ills. It seems like church time isn't enough to talk with her and get to know her like I wanted to. We went to Collector's Choice, a restaurant I hadn't been to in about 7 years, I think...it was fun driving out there and seeing various sights that brought back this or that random memory from when we used to attend a church in the area. She took me by way of backroads and I learned various avenues that I hadn't seen before, connecting streets with which I was acquainted; it was a beautiful drive, with the snowy mountain peaks looming tall in the background against a beautiful, cold, sunny winter sky. I learned a shortcut to our favorite trailhead for the Centennial trail, the Machias stop (or conversely, learned what a "long-cut" we'd been taking all along otherwise). It snuck up on me and I was surprised to recognize where we came out to familiar territory.
While we ate our lunches and drank our tea, we got to reminiscing various things that women will, about life, marriage, hardships, children, parents...and found that though the specifics in our lives were entirely different, we had much in common. I suppose that would be true of most of us, if we got talking long enough!
We poked around in an antiques mall for a while afterward, and then we went back by another backroad--I think I was entirely lost by that time--and talked much more. She shared so many ways that they have related to the people of the church, especially being "grandparents" to the children there, since many of them, like ours, rarely see any of their own. Tim calls her "Grandma Kit" as do the other kids at church, and it feels a little weird to me, since she's maybe 10 years older than I am. Maybe "Auntie" Kit! But he delights in the feeling of a relationship there, too, often pondering aloud the things he loves about church, and it's things like using this nickname of hers that make him feel a part of it.
Anyway, I was able to share with her how much we delight in their approachability, how Sunday is a happily anticipated day for our family. To have gone out to lunch with the pastor's wife, and feel her friendship. I went home rejoicing in the fellowship we shared, the faith that unites us. God is great, is He not?
While we ate our lunches and drank our tea, we got to reminiscing various things that women will, about life, marriage, hardships, children, parents...and found that though the specifics in our lives were entirely different, we had much in common. I suppose that would be true of most of us, if we got talking long enough!
We poked around in an antiques mall for a while afterward, and then we went back by another backroad--I think I was entirely lost by that time--and talked much more. She shared so many ways that they have related to the people of the church, especially being "grandparents" to the children there, since many of them, like ours, rarely see any of their own. Tim calls her "Grandma Kit" as do the other kids at church, and it feels a little weird to me, since she's maybe 10 years older than I am. Maybe "Auntie" Kit! But he delights in the feeling of a relationship there, too, often pondering aloud the things he loves about church, and it's things like using this nickname of hers that make him feel a part of it.
Anyway, I was able to share with her how much we delight in their approachability, how Sunday is a happily anticipated day for our family. To have gone out to lunch with the pastor's wife, and feel her friendship. I went home rejoicing in the fellowship we shared, the faith that unites us. God is great, is He not?
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