Living in the Here and Now

Our pastor, who is on sabbatical, e-mails his flock occasionally with pictures and writings that would work well as a blog post, if he had a blog. It's an article relating a recent pondering, and the latest one was about living in the here and now, and not always so focused on preparing for the next thing that you don't fully realize and appreciate the beauty of life at this moment. It's kind of what a sabbatical is all about--refocusing, getting out of the hurry and the entanglements that come with everyday worklife.
I think we've all experienced events where we were so distracted by something in the past--some comment, maybe an insult or an embarrassment, a regret, a sorrow, an envy, a strife; or something about the future--a worry, any uncertainty--that we completely missed some treasure of the present. I remember a long period of time when I was so bitter at my mother-in-law that I remember more my own spitefulness than what she did to provoke it! I remember muttering to myself, arguing with Gary, and complaining to co-workers more than I remember any of the joys of that time (and it turned out she had Alzheimers'; besides, she wasn't a believer, so in two ways she wasn't fully capable of doing the optimum at any time)--those days are time lost to me, but I've learned from it how evil and undesirable bitterness is. We mutter and complain and rehearse our next clever retort as we weed the garden, and completely miss the warmth of the sun, the singing of the birds, and the budding of the flowers that all surround us; or our child says something priceless, or does a little dance or somersault in front of us, and though our eyes point in the right direction, we may as well be blind and deaf to it.
When you think about it, living in anything but the present takes many forms! When we're thinking about the future or the past, how can we focus on the moment we are experiencing, the here and now? Worry, bitterness, sorrow are all negative, damaging time stealers; so is taking pride in past successes. The Bible is replete with commands about these things. If we obey Jesus' advice, we free ourselves from the entanglements of worry and enable ourselves to serve Him like we can't if we're sinning by not entrusting our lives to Him. Paul relinquished those things from the past that he used to glory in (Phil. 3:4-11) and therefore was free to press on toward the upward call of Christ Jesus (Phil. 3:7-17).
All the world understands this concept, how wrapped up we are in other times that we miss the present pleasures and don't really live most of what time is given to us--yet it is impossible to get a perfect grasp on it, because it is time, and there is no one who can hold it. I looked up some quotes for you and myself; I tried to narrow them down, but I liked a lot of them. I wish I could claim that I found them in the actual sources (some of which I don't even recognize), the places where they were written, but...I didn't have the time. Ha! Some are wise and profound, and some are funny.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. ~Louis Hector Berlioz

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. ~Author Unknown

The past is a good place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. ~Author Unknown

Time is an equal opportunity employer. Each human being has exactly the same number of hours and minutes every day. Rich people can't buy more hours. Scientists can't invent new minutes. And you can't save time to spend it on another day. Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving. No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow. ~Denis Waitely

There are whole years for which I hope I'll never be cross-examined, for I could not give an alibi. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires. ~Charles Caleb Colton

Time is what we want most, but... what we use worst. ~Willaim Penn

It strikes! one, two,Three, four, five, six. Enough, enough, dear watch, Thy pulse hath beat enough. Now sleep and rest; Would thou could'st make the time to do so too; I'll wind thee up no more. ~Ben Jonson

Time is what prevents everything from happening at once. ~John Archibald Wheeler

Sometimes I feel that life is passing me by, not slowly either, but with ropes of steam and spark-spattered wheels and a hoarse roar of power or terror. It's passing, yet I'm the one who's doing all the moving. ~Martin Amis, Money

But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day. ~Benjamin Disraeli

Old Time, that greatest and longest established spinner of all!.... his factory is a secret place, his work is noiseless, and his hands are mutes. ~Charles Dickens

Time, the cradle of hope.... Wisdom walks before it, opportunity with it, and repentance behind it: he that has made it his friend will have little to fear from his enemies, but he that has made it his enemy will have little to hope from his friends. ~Charles Caleb Colton

There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men: time. ~Napoleon I, Maxims, 1815

How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. ~Zall's Second Law

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. ~Carl Sandberg

What then is time? If no one asks me, I know what it is. If I wish to explain it to him who asks, I do not know. ~Saint Augustine

Watches are so named as a reminder - if you don't watch carefully what you do with your time, it will slip away from you. ~Drew Sirtors

Methinks I see the wanton hours flee, And as they pass, turn back and laugh at me.~George Villiers

Much may be done in those little shreds and patches of time which every day produces, and which most men throw away. ~Charles Caleb Colton

The Past is the textbook of tyrants; the Future the Bible of the Free. Those who are solely governed by the Past stand like Lot's wife, crystallized in the act of looking backward, and forever incapable of looking before. ~Herman Melville, White Jacket

No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today. ~Brendan Francis

People are always asking about the good old days. I say, why don't you say the good now days? ~Robert M. Young

We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday's burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it. ~John Newton

If you have one eye on yesterday, and one eye on tomorrow, you're going to be cockeyed today. ~Author Unknown

Forever is composed of nows. ~Emily Dickinson

Could we see when and where we are to meet again, we would be more tender when we bid our friends goodbye. ~Marie Louise De La Ramee

Trust no future, howe'er pleasant! Let the dead past bury its dead! Act, - act in the living Present Heart within and God o'erhead. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Psalm of Life

Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do. ~Jean de la Bruyere

Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness. ~James Thurber

We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow. ~Fulton Oursler

Chasing the past, I stumbled into the future. ~T.A. Sachs

When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past. ~Author Unknown

The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness. ~Abraham Maslow

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. ~Dale Carnegie

I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor. ~D.H. Lawrence

Life's a journey, not a destination. ~Aerosmith

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. ~Abraham Lincoln

There's a positive side to looking back as well as looking ahead. The only way we can redeem any of our part in the past is when we apologize and ask forgiveness for mistakes we have made, and to learn not to repeat them. We are told to remember the great things not that we have done, but that God has done (Deut. 8:10-20) to prepare ourselves for tomorrow. There's a balance, there's a focus. When we trouble ourselves anything other than the here and now in the negative, we're borrowing trouble from another time that doesn't truly exist for us. When we remember God's goodness and prepare and plan for proper stewardship of the future, we are improving our use of either the present or the future. That is a reasonable focus. I think we all could benefit from a mental sabbatical, from shedding the habits of getting caught in the negatives of another time, when that becomes a problem. Remember the freedom that comes with just existing in the present, and return to an unhindered enjoyment of it. What we have at this very moment is God's gift to every one of us, the only thing we can really put to use.
I got the quotes from http://www.quotegarden.com/live-now.html.

Forgiveness and my MP3 Player

Now that I have my own MP3 player (boy, do I feel trendy! Though trendy for me tends to be about 10 years behind everyone else), I am able to listen continually to my choice of radio shows without walking away from the radio before they're done...I get them on oneplace.com, and have started branching out listening to more teachers who I have never heard before. Just lately I've listened to Roger Salter, whose name I had never even noticed until looking over oneplace's website. In the first few radio shows, I didn't hear anything I disagreed with, and in fact found him quite good; then in listening to one, I heard something that caused me to perk up my ears with questions, though I didn't specifically disagree.
It reiterated a comment of a lady, Caroline, in our Bible study class from the previous week, who stressed that you forgive another when they ask you for forgiveness. I had learned as a new believer that you forgive another whether or not they come and ask forgiveness. This all got me rather confused...imagine getting confused over the topic of forgiveness when you've been a Christian some 18 years. So I e-mailed my friend Caroline, and asked her to clarify. I know from experience that not forgiving someone can be a horrendous, self-destructive feeling and I would rather get done with it as soon as possible. This withholding idea seemed like an unworkable thought.
Well, the issue I had been dealing with as a new believer 18 years back was with an unbeliever, and in that case forgiveness takes on a whole different element: I knew that the unbeliever in my life would never have considered herself to have been an offense in any way; she would have been shocked at any suggestion in that regard. We have to acknowledge the unworkable darkness in which unbelievers dwell, and forgive them for acting...like unbelievers. They can't do anything else! Therefore, for our own health, for theirs, for the strength of our witness, we have to love them and cover their multitudinous sins, and forgive them. If we wait for them to ask forgiveness, we'll die before it gets resolved.
Caroline spent some time listening to Salter, read and copied some paragraphs by Jay Adams on the subject, and said that as far as she knew, Salter was spot-on. But this withholding forgiveness is for believers, who should be held accountable for their sins, so that they will acknowledge that they have sinned and then be restored. This isn't for every sin, Adams says, but for "those which throw the covers off"--which he further says are sins which break fellowship and lead to an unreconciled condition. I don't know if you've ever experienced what I did in hearing Caroline's response, but sometimes I ask a question, and when I get the answer, I recognize the rightness of it, as if I already knew it though I didn't seem to just previously. This was the case when Caroline responded to me.
On the other hand, the Bible outlines a specific process for dealing with the significant sins of someone who calls themselves a believer, when you know they have clearly sinned, and that is to go to them directly. The process is clearly outlined in Matthew 18. I hate to recall it, but my husband and I have been involved in going to such a believer in this way, according to this process, and without success. The Bible then makes it clear that more people of the church should be involved in the process with a hope of increasing the pressure to bring that person to repentance. We did involve others only after two or more discussions with the person, but I don't know that any repentance occurred as a result. (I kind of think that going through this experience is what made Caroline's response to me so recognizable.)
Our pastor made clear to us that when such an attempt is unsuccessful, the next step isn't to retain anger or bitterness toward that person, because to do so is condemnation, and that is God's prerogative, not ours. So rather than carry it ourselves, we give it to God, and we are again unburdened. So this rather old and slow Christian learned something in the process of listening to others; maybe my experience will clarify specifics regarding forgiveness for you, too. I knew that MP3 player would bring good things into my life, other than just looking cool with those little black wires up to my ears.

Forgiveness, Forgetfulness is a Good Thing--or Rather, a "God Thing"

I got to give my testimony tonight...though when I started I could feel a bit of blushing rising up my face, once I got into it, I really enjoyed the privilege. It isn't only for the benefit of those who hear, but a good reminder of where I was and what God has done for me.
My biggest sin issue I recall being aware of and needing to overcome was bitterness, grudges, unforgiveness. I was bitter at many people, at some for their sheer mean treatment, and at some for perceived unfairness. There was one about whom I recall thinking I could have written a book, a large book, cataloguing the many crimes against me that she had committed. To think I would have thought anyone would want to read it! That boggles my mind now.
My biggest offender was the wife of a pastor. (Not a believing pastor or a believing wife--but I didn't know that at the time.) So one of my first responses was to look in the Bible, of which I knew nothing, to find a justification for how I felt about her--that would have been the ultimate, I thought. I believe that was my first real impetus to read the Bible, and I don't think I had accepted that Jesus could save me at that point. Pretty unholy, but there it was. And I have to say, I found nothing in the Bible to help me in that goal.
Once I came to accept the salvation offered by Christ, I slowly realized that those bitternesses were a huge and awful burden. They weren't a burden to those against whom I had grudges; they were my burden, and I carried them everywhere. I'd take those burdens into my lap and look at them, mulling them over, reminding myself of their every detail. I'd mutter and ponder and think what clever things I should have said, and how they might have responded then. It took way too much mental energy; it drained me, and I realized after a while how these burdens ate away at me, at my mental health, probably at my physical health; I don't know how much I realized they were horrible for my spiritual health. After a while I wanted to be rid of them, I wanted to forget them. But how?
How does a person forgive another who has wronged them? How about when the wrongs have been very cruel, and many, and long-persisting? How can a person go on and forgive? It was a puzzle for me at first, when I first realized I had to have some release from the prison full of nastiness. How could I think to forgive?
After I accepted Christ, I wanted to read the Bible--this time to know Him, to know everything I could take in. I read it for hours every day for a long time, and though my housework was suffering in the process, I was learning and growing, and coming to realize the vast cosmic offenses that I had committed against Jesus Christ, who loved me all the time that I was acting in pure selfishness. I realized He had forgiven me, died to do so, though it seemed there was no gain in it for Him. How or why He chose to do this still isn't fully clear to me, except that His love is a whole lot bigger than mine!
After a while I was able to contrast His forgiveness with my lack of forgiveness; my big sins against His holiness with her sins against my selfishness. There became less and less justification to keep track of all she had committed against me. Still, I struggled with the idea that I could forgive while I still remembered so many things. They'd come back to mind, and I'd have to deal with them all over again. That was one of the first things I learned about forgiveness--sometimes you have to do it over and over and over again for the same incident.
It seems almost comical, and it is very telling to me, that I could think of writing a huge book regarding anyone's sins against me. God is gracious. I remember back then, telling my brother that thanks to God's help I could forgive, but unlike Him, I couldn't forget. God could forgive sins, but He could also forget them, and I thought of that as an unchangeable contrast between Him and me.
Over time, the wonderful thing that I have discovered is that God has helped me to forget. Not only forget the woman's sins, but the grudges I was harboring against so many! I honestly don't remember enough to write out a small article enumerating them. Once in a while a few specific things might come to mind because of some specific reminder (and they are so trivial now as to be comical!), but by and large the memories are lost. Lost and good riddance to bad rubbish! In the extreme. Hallelujah! God is good. But of course, we knew that!

Come to Me, and I will Give you Rest

The first lesson I learned as a Christian was to give it all to God--and not to take on for myself those things that only God has the power to determine. I can only think of two times since then that I have been unable due to my own stubbornness to let my worries rest with Him; other than that they have been His--what a blessing! "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29

One of the first amazing answers to prayer I received once I came to know Christ had to do with my crippled relationship with my husband Gary's mother. (For the purpose of privacy I'll give her a fictitious name; let's call her "Midge.") I don't mean any disrespect to her personally--at the end of my story you'll understand what I mean, and I understand if you disagree at this point.
For me, Midge was in so many ways at the time the classic movie mother-in-law, and I thought at the time that I could write a book on the oh-so-many stories I had to tell. Not a thin book. An authoritative tome! I had kept a stack of letters from her at the time, with which I could document much of what I said if I perceived the need. (Yes, I was bitter--to put it mildly.)
I tried to get along with Midge. How to gain her favor just eluded me. I do believe to this day that I was polite, tried to be pleasant, and managed to hold my tongue quite well. (However I know I also did many things that messed it up, mostly through no intentions of my own.) Midge had known her first daughter-in-law Janet and her parents for so many years, and had accepted her quite well into the family. But my family of origin didn't want anything to do with Midge, and perhaps that insult was one cause.
Looking back, I think Midge also expected that when we married we'd suddenly be financially set--maybe that we'd have some sort of inheritance or huge financial gift given us. I think so because she gave us a subscription to Money magazine one Christmas, and she constantly stressed the importance of a 401(k) (which I know is wise enough but we couldn't consider it at the time); there were other reasons as well. Maybe the fact that we were poor was attributed to me somehow. Whatever.
At any rate, hurt feelings were piling up, and it got so that if we anticipated a visit with them, I would have an anxious stomach-ache that would last until the event was over.
As I related in my last blog, I would bring the latest story to work, and I'd get sympathetic laughs from the hearers. There was huge pent-up hurt, and it was messing up my life and our marriage. Though we'd moved from Portland to Everett basically to create distance in that relationship, Midge was at the core of every meaningful discussion (read, "argument") that we had.
I remember at one point, while running errands, thinking that God was working so slowly on this problem, I suppose because I'd been dealing with it for 9 years. By now I'd barely come to Christ, but it seemed like my prayers weren't getting answered. It seemed to me as if God would answer other people's prayers but not my own. I dared become somewhat indignant in my prayer that day, which I don't recommend. God was gracious not to show me at that moment what He was capable of!
We were attending our first church, and though it wasn't a great church, there was for a short season a wonderful Christian woman, Judy, attending who was in charge of women's ministries. I attended a women's retreat there; remember I had lots of pent-up emotion and by this point I was a brand-new Christian. I sat down in the main room with all the other women; center seat on a couch between two others. All avenues out of the room were packed with women seated two or three deep.
We were handed song sheets as the first activity of the day. I read the title of the first song. "God will make a way." My eyes welled up. I read the words of the song: "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see; He will make a way for me. He will be my guide; Hold me closely to His side; With love and strength for each new day; He will make a way; God will make a way." I couldn't hold it in any longer. Even now I have tears in my eyes remembering how directly the message of the song spoke to me. I had to leave the room; flustered, I got up from the couch. Of course my anxiety mounted because I had to disturb various women on the way out!
Well, suffice it to say that they didn't get to singing the song. Women crowded around me and tried to comfort and assure me. I so wished to be alone and was so mortified--yet it was so sweet at the same time; a new experience to be sure. I finally went upstairs and had my good cry, and regained my composure. A long while later I went down with the remnants of a strongly puffy face and sat on the steps listening, keeping what distance I could for the time being.
Judy spoke to the group; she was telling how when we give a burden to the Lord, we so often want to continue carrying it for ourselves anyway. The best way, she said, was to give it all to Him; don't hold back anything, don't carry it yourself. He will carry it for you. She asked us to take some time, then, for prayer, to give our concerns all to Him. That was so perfectly timed for my need. I had been carrying this problem with Midge (and no doubt making it worse by all my dwelling on it), and it was like I'd given Him three pieces of a 300-piece puzzle, and expected Him to work it out.
I went outside and sat in a solitary spot. It was such a relief to pray giving Him the whole thing. I told Him, "I don't understand anything about Midge; I don't know why she hates me so much. I don't know why I can't please her. I can't fix it. Please help me!"
Without my knowing it, Gary was that same day calling his parents to come up to Everett and work it out between them and me. He too was exasperated with the problems we had. So when I returned home, it was only a few hours before they were to arrive.
When they came we sat in the living room and discussed how we weren't getting along. Nothing was working: I asked Midge if we could go to counseling, and she flatly refused. I asked her why she hated me so much, and she stood up and yelled, with fists clenched, "Because you married my son!" Boy. I could only mutter that he married me, too.
I told her that the letters she wrote were hurtful and asked why she would write some of the things she did. She got angry and denied that she had written them. I brought them out. She went out the front door and I could hear her comforting Gary for the lousy wife he had.
Inside, Gary's dad was addressing me. "She's sick," he said. I thought to myself that even the last stages of cancer wouldn't justify the things she said and did. "She's got Alzheimer's. She's been diagnosed for two years." He'd kept it a secret for two years from anyone. I was the first person he told, because it affected me the most, apart from himself. Even their own three sons had not been told. Suddenly everything she had ever said or done to me was like various writings on a chalkboard, and it was all suddenly washed away.
In spite of the huge issue that I made of each thing that she ever said or did at the time, I hardly remember any specifics any more. I used to think that our forgiveness of others had to be in spite of remembering the offense; that God had an advantage in being able to forget our sins. Now I realize that over time, when we forgive others, the forgetfulness of the details comes as a blessing. That day, God enabled me to forgive Midge. I'm thankful that He gave me such a clear explanation; I hope I could have eventually grown to forgive her without it.
Imagine--she'd been diagnosed two years (and perhaps been dealing with it before I met her, 9 years before)! And yet, God chose the day after that prayer to reveal the problem to me. From that point on, she seemed to be aware that her influence had come to an end. She honestly was much easier and sweeter-natured any time I saw her from then on, though the trappings of Alzheimers gave her a whole realm of other problems. She lived about 4 more years. Though most of their friends were quite old, and she had been so unpleasantly sick for so long, she still had about 100 people at her funeral. This convinced me that they had known a Midge that I had never met--that once she had been a sweet, kind, loving and beloved friend to many.