Thursday, January 01, 2009

How to tell if Your 10-Year-Old Boy has a Friend Visiting

I thought it might be useful to have a few hints that would help you know whether your son (or brother) has a friend visiting:

1. There are twice as many shoes sprawled out in the entry way.
2. There are double the dirty socks sprawled out on top of them.
3. Nerf bullets are flying across the room at twice the regular rate.
4. Your fridge and pantry are emptying out at twice the regular rate, and your sink is twice as full of dirty dishes.
5. There are twice the thumps, bumps, yells and screams coming out of the basement.
6. If he's staying overnight, there are voices coming through the door--and it's not just your son talking in his sleep.
7. If he's staying overnight, they wake up twice as early, with dark circles on the bags under their eyes; they're a little bit testy, and they can hardly move, especially if it's to clean up after themselves.
8. If he's staying overnight and you wake up freezing cold, to the fact that your blankets are missing, go downstairs and see whether they've been constructed into a fort along with all the couch cushions, chairs, and card tables in the house.
9. You find Nerf darts in the sugar bowl, behind the couch, stuck to the back of your sweater, and flapping around on the top of your socks with every step.
10. Your son is learning all sorts of new annoying jokes, sayings, songs, mouth noises, dance moves, wrestling moves, pranks, YouTube videos and weird and gross websites, and a secret handshake that means absolutely nothing.
11. If you are going around barefoot, you're twice as likely to step on a Lego, a Monopoly marker, or something else equally sharp-pointed, edged, and otherwise potentially damaging.
12. When you go out to the car, there's twice the rubble awaiting you in the back seat.
13. Any sisters are twice as perplexed or edgy and spending twice the amount of time in their room.
14. The floors are caked with twice the mud, grass and leaves.
15. There are twice as many chairs pulled out into your pathway.
16. You're developing gray hair at twice the regular rate.
17. Let's not even talk about the bathroom.

But there are benefits:

1. Ummmm. The television and computer are used by your son half as much as usual.
2. Your food gets eaten before it gets stale or moldy--except for the vegetables.
3. Your son knows what it's like to be a fairly normal boy (whatever that is) rather than a momma's boy, because his mom isn't so 99% his main impact.
4. When you clean, it's twice as gratifying to see a clean surface--at least, after the visitor leaves, so it stays clean twice as long.
5. The quiet and order that comes afterward is twice as sweet.
6. Sometimes the visitor teaches your son a good habit, just by accident.
7. There is one more boy to play a prank on that you learned from the last boy who visited.
8. It feels strangely good to think that somewhere out there, there's a little guy who likes to come over and visit your house.
9. You can see more of God's grace at work.
10. By the next time he visits, you've forgotten all the messes (kind of like forgetting all the pain of labor), you're onto more of the pranks (kind of like having been through boot camp) and you're glad to have him come over again (kind of like having Alzheimer's).

No comments: