Always be Prepared to Give an Answer for Your Hope...

The other day I had an encounter with a woman who I've met before and always liked, always seen as gentle and seemingly happy...and I was telling her how long we'd been attending our church and how much we have so loved it (we were at the church at the time, for a children's music education program). I asked her where she attends, or if she attends? And she said, no, she couldn't find a church that believes what she believes. She said they usually expect you to believe the Bible, and she just doesn't (at which, in retrospect, I can rejoice; I'd hate to think she'd found the church that affirmed her expectations!). When she told me this, my heart sank for her, though I also knew this was one of those things we all should be living for...it was a golden opportunity to share the wonderful hope of Christ.
The Bible says to always be prepared to give an answer to those who ask about the hope that is within you...and yet, she kind of caught me off guard. I had to search for what to say to her. When a person puts some sort of faith in the Bible, you can use some Scriptures, but when they don't, it's different. You have the help of the Holy Spirit, but only evidence that is not bound up in Scripture verses, to relate the reality of Jesus Christ. She doubted that Jesus even existed. She said that all a person has to do is love, that's enough for her, you don't need any more. I told her it's not by works that you get to heaven, you don't earn it by being good. She didn't care about heaven or hell, didn't know for sure that they existed. She said that she couldn't put her faith in a book written just by men. Ah.
There is one thing about the Bible, without referring to any specific verse, that is an overwhelming evidence for its truth and reality. The Old Testament is replete with prophecies of Christ. These are statements that point to a future Messiah, a Savior, who would complete God's plan of redemption for humanity. There are some prophecies that even the Jews missed, regarding the fact that He would be a Savior not only to the Jews, but to the Gentiles as well, and those that reference His human weakness, His human poverty. They expected a powerful King who would overthrow the Romans who were oppressing them at the time, and He didn't fit their expectations. This wasn't because the prophecies weren't true, but because they were reading their own desires into the prophecies and overlooking those that didn't suit them. It's a case of what people refer to as 20/20 hindsight: now, having the New Testament through which to view the Old, we can see that there are many more prophecies than the Jews attributed to the coming Messiah. Hundreds of prophecies that are fulfilled in Jesus Christ, that no mere human would have had power to orchestrate, such as where He was born, and the reaction of Herod when he sought to kill all the baby boys in that area at that time. It would be incomprehensible to read about all of these prophecies in retrospect and not conclude that Jesus had an incredible significance, that the circumstances of His very existence testified to the truth of the Old Testament, and therefore the New.
No mere humans could have written the prophecies and had power to make sure that they would be fulfilled; some were written thousands of years before His birth. In fact, they puzzled over these prophecies as they wrote them; they would have loved to see how they would have been manifested. They did not fully understand what the meaning was of the words they were writing:

1 Peter 1:10-13: As to this salvation, the prophets who prophesied of the grace that would come to you made careful searches and inquiries, seeking to know what person or time the Spirit of Christ within them was indicating as He predicted the sufferings of Christ and the glories to follow. It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves, but you, in these things which now have been announced to you through those who preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven--things into which angels long to look. Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

I tried to tell this lady about the prophecies, and how they were not written only by the men who held the pen but by the Holy Spirit as He composed the words; still, she said nothing and looked completely uninterested. I said that you can't make God into whatever you want, because that makes Him into a small, powerless thing that is no good at all. You could make a pebble on the beach into a god if you wanted to, and it wouldn't have any power at all. She said that it could work. At that point I realized there was nothing more for me to say, and the discussion was pretty well through. I don't need to feel frustrated, because Jesus said there would be the four soils, and it seems at this point she is the soil along the path--compacted, resilient against the truth. I have no need to be frustrated, but I can pray. She is a dear woman for whom Christ died, if she would only look and realize her need for him. So far she realizes none of this, but God is gracious, and has given her more time to do so. Hallelujah!

Do I Only Trust in Visible Support?

The phrase, “No Visible Means of Support” has been thumping around in my head for the last while. I think the phrase comes from an underwear ad from my childhood. I don’t know whether they still use it in their advertising or whether the company who did even still exists. I googled it and didn't see anything that provoked my curiosity, only dismay because one post used it to describe or define a vagrant. Still, this phrase just seems so timely, because my husband has felt the increasing likelihood that he will join the ranks of the unemployed in the near future unless something wonderful and unexpected happens with his job. At least he’s got lots of company; that can be reassuring, except that it also ensures a daunting amount of competition for every job for which he might apply.
We’ve been down this road before; his career in sales has been difficult and I’d hate to try to add up how much time we’ve spent with him working and without. So I know a lot of ways to save money, though I know that we probably waste more than we ought. Actually, I can't really explain why we haven't encountered more trouble financially than we have by this point already, so in view of that, I can look more optimistically at the future. And past experience in job outages might be helpful for us, and also helpful for others who are dealing with it for the first time.
For us this time it’s a little more unnerving than usual, because thanks to repeated periods of unemployment, our bills are bigger than ever before, and our savings resources are less adequate to the challenge than ever before. So do we fear? I hope not. I am a person who has learned to trust in a Provider bigger than myself. Don’t let me lose you here. I still struggle with the same difficulties you do; with such pressures that surround me perhaps more pressingly than ever before, I still fight the tendency to worry about my circumstances. I just have come to the conclusion that there is a God who cares and who can help me, and anyone who will trust in Him, through any challenge; in fact, these afflictions are worthwhile if we see them as working for our good. So while we might have no visible means of support, I thought I would start chronicling just how much more powerful our “invisible” means of support, our faith, might be to take our family through another round of unemployment.
When I read my Bible, I find an incredible number of promises and encouragements, and I feel helped. If these promises and encouragements fell flat, I would have reason to become disenchanted, but I know that in the past, we have always come out better as a result of any of our trials, when we went through them looking to Christ. These days, we’ve been studying the passage in the Gospel of Mark about Jesus calming the waves and the storm, and Him walking on water. His walking on water is another vista of “no visible means of support.” If He can rely on something unseen, so can I. He had Peter actually walk on the water (Mark doesn’t tell that part of the story); Peter started out fine, focusing on Christ, and walking with no visible means of support…but his eyes just couldn’t resist looking askance at the waves around him…and he sank. So I take counsel from Peter's experience, and I try to look at Christ and not at the things that trouble me. I look to Him for an example of faith, for an expression of God’s power, for a sense of calm. Where else might I better look for help, when all around me there is turbulence?
What fun is there in looking at my troubles anyway, and feeling all the symptoms of unworkable, crippling anxiety? It seems that even if I didn’t want to look to Christ, since I have nowhere else to turn, I would go to Him out of desperation if nothing else! My not-so-hidden agenda, though, is to turn to Him and rely on Him and see what He will provide that will be my help, my further testimony of His faithfulness, my redemption.
Hoping that I can call myself a good wife, I want to help my husband and family through this time. So I look to Proverbs 31. The woman there is hardly a timid little thing that never ventures out with an idea to help her family along. She is out selling belts, bringing food from afar, clothing her family, interacting with the world in a productive, businesslike and confident way. God uses her as an example of a woman living a fruitful life. So how does her example apply to me? That is an item for prayer. I can’t say I’ve lived the life of bringing in income for our family (not for the last 20 years or so), but I am willing if that is what God has for me. That is one of my first prayers for this period of time, is, “What would You have me do? How can I be like the Proverbs 31 woman for my family?” I don’t yet know what the answer is. I have some ideas, but I don’t know yet which He would have me pursue.
He may not have me change my work at all. He might overturn our lives completely. Our lives are in His hands; we are His servants, and it is up to Him to do with us as He will. I look forward to seeing what God crafts our lives into being, with fear, I admit, and with eagerness. Keeping my focus on Jesus is the only way to handle my fear, and the only reason for my eagerness as we head into the future. Our earthly future may be fully unknown to us, yet it is fully planned by Him from ages past.

Learn from Me, and You Will Find Rest for Your Souls...

There was one little aspect of yesterday's Bible study that really goes with the post from last night. But that post was so long, and this aspect stands alone so well and is so worth remembering that I would post a blog about just that one thing, just so I can come back and read it...and if you read it too, so good! Be blessed!
After all of our discussion last night about chapter 6 in the Gospel of Mark, Pastor Ken pointed out one thing that was a key observation. He asked us, "What is rest?" after observing that the disciples, er, apostles, were in need of rest after being sent out and returning to report to Jesus all that they had done. Jesus takes them away from the crowds so they can have some time to eat and be by themselves...but they are followed by the running crowds, the mob of 5,000 men (and you know that women and children were there too!). They are there with the crowds for such a while that they all are hungry. How can they feed so many? It is clear that there is just no physical means to feed them, nothing that the disciples can provide that is in any way near adequate. Jesus breaks the bread and the fish, and the disciples, rather than reclining and talking and eating amongst themselves, distribute the food to the thousands of people until all are satisfied, rather than send them away to find their own food. Not what the average American would call rest. So what is rest? Did the disciples find rest that day?
Pastor Ken pointed out, or somehow tweaked and pulled out of the class, that rest is being in the presence of Jesus, in the presence of God. Rest is being in fellowship with your Creator. Rest is focusing on God. That is the calm in the storm, not letting our hearts be troubled, not being afraid, but focusing on Him, His power, His provision, His lovingkindness. It didn't end up being much of a physical rest for the disciples. You can imagine that the disciples might have been pretty physically exhausted after all of the distribution of bread and fish to thousands of people; but there had to be refreshment in hearing what Jesus had to say, in having their faith built by seeing His provision when there seemed to be no way to feed the people, in realizing that their own inadequacy to feed the people didn't matter when He was there. It wasn't the rest for the physical needs that Jesus provided for them that day; it was rest for their souls. Maybe it didn't have time to sink in that day, because they were so busy. But can you imagine witnessing that event and thinking back on it later, all the rest of your life? Any time that you would think you couldn't get through some challenge, and you were losing sleep, and your stomach was twisting and churning, you could remember how five loaves and a few fish became, in Jesus' hands, enough to feed thousands. And your challenges would just kind of shrink when you knew that Jesus was still with you. That would be the rest provided on that day, I'm pretty sure.
It is so strangely easy to forget that we have the same Jesus Christ that we read about in the pages of Scripture. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. We need to let Him off the pages of Scripture and into the realities of our everyday existence. We don't need to have sleepless nights, or churning stomachs. Jesus is still capable and ready to calm the storms, to feed the multitude, to provide rest for our souls just like He did for them that day 2000 years ago.
Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
New American Standard Bible (NASB) Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation

Even the Wind and the Waves Obey Him

This last little while, our church has been studying the Gospel of Mark...and you know in Mark, there is the story of Jesus calming the storm on the water, "even the wind and the waves obey Him," ...then the story of Jesus walking on the water, coming up on His disciples straining at the oars and fearing at this supposed apparition that appears. "Take courage; it is I; do not be afraid." He has the upper hand over the storms, over the waves. He seeks to calm us when we fear the things we think He can't fix, that we fear will overtake us and submerge us in catastrophe. Don't you find so often that the things you are studying in the Bible correlate to the things you are dealing with in your life? I don't know if it's just that everything in the Bible could have bearing on everything in our lives, or if it's just that God tends to orchestrate that we happen to be reading the things we need to know just when we need to know them. I think it may just be a little of both. Or a lot of both.
What are the wind and the waves in my life? Well, Gary keeps getting unsettling lectures from his boss. This boss only had him down to the company headquarters for two days when he started with the company. Any pharmaceutical company he's worked for in the past has trained him for at least a week; sometimes three weeks. With this job, Gary learns one little key piece of information at a time, usually about a month apart, just in time to give him another reason to call on all of his clientele and update them on what he has to offer them. So it's a bit of a challenge dealing with the slow thread of information, and the unsettling lectures from his boss...
Supplementing this little concern was the further indication we thought we found that the company might have financial concerns. There were two or three things that caused us to think so, one having to do with postponed bonuses, and one having to do with Gary's charge card, which they keep allowing to get maxed out.
So we had these two little storms, which started their own little whirlpools brewing in my mind. With Gary's job history being what it is, we have had great finances (for what seems in retrospect like one brief shining moment that was known as Camelot) and we have had less-great finances. Right now we have less-great, with more bills and less savings combined than we may have ever had, which makes it an inopportune time to be without income, if there ever was one. So that was one little whirlpool.
Then there's the real estate market whirlpool. We have this house that costs too much in upgrades, in maintenance, in heating, in taxes...and takes too much time in upgrades, in maintenance...it just is too demanding and I'd love to unload it on some poor (strike that) rich, unsuspecting individual. Thing is, we had new cupboards put in last year, and so all the more the linoleum needs replacing, not just because it was the builder's bargain-basement type, and worn to the point of holes in places, but also because it now doesn't quite reach the bases of the cupboards and has a nice habit of turning upward at the edges. I don't personally care, I could live with it like that for some time (and feel like I already have), but I don't think it will be a very good sales feature. So we really need to fix the floors before we sell; at least the linoleum portions. Which leaves us with a quandary: fix the floors to sell the house, or preserve our little bit of savings in case of loss of job? Because this is a real estate market where a listing could easily outlive our savings if Gary were to lose his job.
Then there's the job market whirlpool. I've applied for jobs in Gary's name (believe me, we've been through this enough I know just how to do it), but Gary heard that one job opening got 1200 other applicants. So we can't just say, "Well, all Gary has to do is get another job, and that won't be any problem at all. Maybe he'll get a raise in the process." Well, it could happen. But it is another whirlpool stimulated by the other matters.
Then there was the whirlpool of...checking the calendar and realizing something about the number of weeks that had gone by. I'm almost 49. I was just kind of wondering about something that had me pondering my own health, I don't know if you get my drift; I can't bring myself to type out what I was wondering. And...we don't have medical insurance. We could be looking at having to move soon, which means a lot of work and lifting and clear-mindedness. And 20 years from now I'll be 69. Gary will be 79. Yes, that had me really quite distracted.
Then we got some significant bills from the IRS that were supposed to be checks from our 2007 return. With interest charged. I couldn't call their office on President's Day. They were closed for the holiday. I hoped they were having a good time. It was a true whirlpool.
So with all these not-so-small whirlpools, and seemingly major storms and waves, I was challenged with the subject of the Bible lesson. I'm not one to worry; it really takes some major things to get me to the point where my stomach churns or I wake up in cold sweats or anything like that. But to tell the truth, if ever there was a time in my life that I felt like I might be tempted to worry, this couple of weeks would have taken the award! I promise you.
Kit, our pastor's wife, helped me out, without fully knowing how much I needed to hear it. (It was because I didn't understand the disciples fearing more after Jesus calmed the storm--though they didn't yet understand His deity. I was sure that when Jesus would calm my storm, I couldn't imagine fearing any more--just being very thankful, relieved, and absolutely adoring Him and having ever-more faith!) She pointed out, among other things, that fear is the same whether it is directed at our problems, or at Jesus. We fear our problems, or we fear God. It is the same stuff, the same substance. The substance of fear is the allegiance of our attention. She described it as standing at the midpoint of a circle, and Jesus is on one side of us, and the problems are on the other side of us. We can turn toward our problems, or we can turn toward Jesus. Which will we focus on?
So this week, when I've been tempted to focus on the various storms and waves and whirlpools, which I have to say was a pretty constant state, I'd say, "Waves, be still." Or, "Even the wind and the waves obey Him." Or, "Be still (cease striving) and know that I am God." When I'd feel that anxious stomach, I'd mentally turn from that mess and focus on Jesus. He's a much more appealing, read calming, view anyway, and yet at times it was such a struggle to pull my focus off those ugly whirlpools and storms!
When Tim and I were reading the Psalms (we read one per day--or in the case of Psalm 119, 20 verses per day--along with two chapters from either Mark or Ephesians), yesterday we read Psalm 121. Tell me if you don't find this a very calming and assuring Psalm:

Psalm 121
The LORD the Keeper of Israel.
A Song of Ascents.
I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel Will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day, Nor the moon by night.
The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul.
The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

I felt very sure that God was thinking exclusively of me when He wrote that. What? You thought He wrote it exclusively for you? Huh. So interesting! All through the weeks, my resolve to focus on Jesus and His power over the big and little things that might challenge a person have borne fruit. I have honestly been able to put my worries aside, or take them in stride, or whatever you call it. I know He calmed the storm, He has done all sorts of those kinds of things in the Scriptures and in my own life (just read about it in all my other blog posts if you feel like reading that much), and if there should be anyone who is worry-proof, it should be me--though I have to admit this last while was about as much as I could take. I thought I just might sweat blood at one point. I didn't, though. And I did my best to remember, "He calmed the storm. Even the wind and the waves obey Him. Be still and know that I am God." I had to say that a lot these weeks.
So Gary asked his boss point-blank about the company finances yesterday, and he actually had some plausible explanations; he says the company's in fine financial shape. Whew. And Gary's sales were up this week, so hopefully his boss will start being happy. In fact, his boss has encouraged him to sign up for various conventions and trade shows and other sales hoopla that are happening in the next couple of months. I don't think he'd do that if he were planning to let Gary go. Hallelujah!
These little bits of information were enough to calm the whirlpool about real estate. If Gary's keeping his job for the next few months at least, maybe we will be able to ride out the real estate slump and sell the house at a more opportune time. Maybe we can put in linoleum. At least, at this point, I'm not very distracted about it any more, and the curls on the edges of the linoleum are no big concern to me...I guess. Ha!
It does the same to the little whirlpool about the economy and the job market. Okay, if Gary's keeping his job, it doesn't matter personally whether there are 1200 people applying for each job opening that is out there. We'll just keep on plugging! Good-o. Hallelujah! again.
As far as that problem with my health? Well, let me just say, I am thankful for an aspect of my health that I've never been very thankful for in the past. I'm really quite fine, thank you, after all. Hallelujah, amen!
The IRS? Well, I called and talked to a very nice man. He acknowledged that two IRS people had made mistakes. I'm not criticizing them--the whole thing got started by a mistake I made when I filed the 2007 return last year. It wasn't one that caused any difference in the refund amount, but in the process the nice man found a deduction I had missed. And he recommended that I send in an amended return, which should bring us a check after all, in the end. (Sigh. I don't like doing taxes any more than anyone else. But I do like checks!) So I have already completed that and it will be in the mail tomorrow. One more whirlpool disabled. I even worked on 2008's return. Looking at the numbers in the process, I wondered how we got by last year--except that we know a great Provider. Hallelujah! Amen.
So now I can assure you...at least for now, Jesus has calmed my storms and my whirlpools. And I don't fear more, though maybe I do. Maybe I fear God more. I do think my faith has reached the highest level I've ever had it. (I know, now, I had better be ready for more testing of my new, improved faith. Breathe deep and repeat after me...you know it too by now, don't you? "He calmed the storm. Even the wind and the waves obey Him. Be. still. and. know. that. I. am. God.") Hallelujah! Amen!

My Own Little Holland

Tonight I was mixing together some various non-wheat flours to make some pizza crust for Tim's birthday party (see whether those poor boys coming over can handle it--I think I'll have backup just in case!)...and thought back to reading once a mom's description of having a Down's syndrome child. Now don't get me wrong. Tim doesn't have Down's Syndrome, he has a wheat sensitivity! But there is a comparison in the thought...The woman wrote that having a Down's syndrome child isn't a bad thing. It's more like thinking you're going to Italy and you end up in Holland. Holland isn't bad, it's just different than what you expected. There are good things there that you wouldn't have found in Italy. She found the deep sweetness of her child to be one of those things.
Now I know that mixing flours and making non-wheat things is nothing, compared to that situation, but on the other hand it does have its own level of dauntingness! I told my friend Lois that I can't have wheat, and she exclaimed, "Then what can you eat! I can't have you over for dinner, because I can't serve you bread, and I can't serve you noodles!" She loves bread a little on the extreme side. I'm glad it is me and not her, because bread isn't that big a deal for me.
And there's a good thing when you avoid wheat, a hidden benefit. I found that there are so many other flours that the vast majority of the population never even tastes, never explores, because they don't need to. And yet, these all have their own flavor, characteristic, and nutrition. Some are far more nutritious than wheat! The down sides are that they can be hard to obtain, and about 3-5 times as expensive as wheat flour. I haven't yet found a store that carries a very wide variety of flours, even though I've gone to stores as far away as Lynnwood and Bellevue with that hope.
But look at this list of flours: Amaranth, arrowroot, almond, artichoke, barley, black bean, white bean, fava bean, garbanzo bean, garfava bean, brown rice, buckwheat, cassava, chestnut, coconut, corn, cottonseed, dal, dasheen, manioc, millet, cashew nut, chestnut, pistachio, milo, tapioca, montina, oat, pea, peanut, plantain, potato, quinoa, rye, sago, sesame, sorghum, soy, sunflower, sweet rice, tapioca, teff, water chestnut, white rice, and wild rice. All these can be found as gluten-free flour (as I understand so far)--just not necessarily nearby or affordably--though I could order them online! I have only found about ten of these locally, and I'm still not sure of all their characteristics, what they all taste like, and what you can use them all for. I have some figured out to a point, but it's a learning curve. An enjoyable learning curve, for the most part.
I used a mixture of these flours to make Tim's 11th birthday cake--a three-layer carrot cake. It had no wheat in it, and when he and Gary tried it, they both liked it. Then I told them it had no wheat. Tim said there was something different in the first bite, but it didn't bother him and after that it was fine. I thought it tasted salty, and found today that the flour responsible for this was tapioca, so for his pizza crust, I mixed potato, sorghum and millet flours to substitute for tapioca (since I don't know the equivalency of any of them!)...we'll see how well it turns out. At least it won't have to rise quite like bread!
And these flours don't rise on their own. I have to add xanthan gum or guar gum in order to help that along. We are avoiding the gluten flours, and gluten is what enables the flour to hold together while rising. It's easy enough; I found xanthan gum fairly readily and a little goes a long way.
So I am kind of enjoying it, even though meal-making is harder. All substitute noodles such as rice or corn seem to be a poor substitute for wheat. I can't serve dinner with ready-made french bread or rolls. And anything I bake, I can't just use one flour because none are quite equivalent on their own. There are also a lot of other normal ingredients such as soy sauce and white vinegar that often contain wheat. But I like creativity, I like a challenge...it's my own little Holland. I think it's going to be fun, in its challenging little way. Of all life's challenges, I'm thankful I was given this one.