Joy is a subject I've been pondering lately, seeing as I have been experiencing the abundance of joy coming in a rather roller-coaster mode lately. Not great low dips, but great high heights, such that I can't contain it, beyond measure--and I can't fully account for all of it (not that the quantity of joy given is something that can be accounted for), so it makes me wonder at the function of joy. Why did God make joy--what use can it be? It seems of all the emotions the least functional, but also perhaps the most sought. I think it is something that God gives as a reward, a comfort, an expression of His presence in a believer's life.
I try to imagine what life would be like without joy, and it's pretty unthinkable--boring, lifeless, unresponsive. We recognize our need for God in knowing our lack of joy and we long for it, long to know Him; we know He lives in us because He fills us with joy. It doesn't have to do with our circumstances (though I think that's something we have a tendency to forget), because even though we may have little happiness per se, we may still have abundant joy.
If I had as much power in my knowledge stores as I do in my emotions, I would be well-equipped. If I also had as much wisdom as I do emotions, I could do anything. But it seems that my emotions are the most abundant of these three things (though wisdom is available from God for the asking, and I ask Him for it frequently). Perhaps this is the purpose of joy: it is God's stamp that He is working, that He sees, that He loves and cares. It doesn't directly empower me, and yet it enables me to rise above circumstances and ponder and worship God rather than just wallow in selfish thoughts; rising above, then, enables me to ponder others and get a proper perspective that any difficulty I face is not the only one out there, nor is it the worst. So joy is a power of sorts, and helps me to soar on eagle's wings, as God has promised; joy enables me to persevere and to stand firm whatever my circumstances, to seek to do His will, to glorify Him in all my being.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Tim Turns Ten
Today our house is surrounded by a number of wild, crazy males bearing arms. Well, they're 9- to 12-year-old males bearing Nerf guns and toy light sabres. Last year, I planned out Tim's birthday party in detail, to the point that I had gathered enough game ideas that I was sure that I could keep them busy for the duration of the time that they were here. As I went along it got more and more frustrating trying to keep the attention of the boys so that I could tell them what came next. It was increasingly evident that they didn't want to play games, and so to my surprise, what they chose instead was to go down into our basement and play on our foosball game table. They went down and for the remainder of the time kept themselves perfectly happy just hanging out together.
So this year, we didn't plan any games. Tim and I cleaned the basement (you have no idea what that means unless you've seen the "before" picture--suffice it to say, we're getting rid of about 5 bins of toys and accumulation), and I planned food...lots of food! And the boys couldn't be happier. We left the Nerf guns and light sabres, yoyos, bongo drums, and jenga blocks in easy reach, and put out the card table to fill with food. The boys played on the foosball table for a brief time, and then went to Nerf guns--first inside, then when they got too warm they went outside. They kept themselves busy for quite a while, then came in for cake.
I think they enjoyed themselves--they kept thanking me, whereas I thanked them in return. What's a party without guests? They made it. I love seeing Tim get older; life gets easier, and I think that's a nice return on the work of raising him to this point. In spite of the fairly wide age range, and the fact that not all of them knew each other to start with, they were all relating well all the way through. I am blessed! God is great. He keeps showing me, even though I already know it.
So this year, we didn't plan any games. Tim and I cleaned the basement (you have no idea what that means unless you've seen the "before" picture--suffice it to say, we're getting rid of about 5 bins of toys and accumulation), and I planned food...lots of food! And the boys couldn't be happier. We left the Nerf guns and light sabres, yoyos, bongo drums, and jenga blocks in easy reach, and put out the card table to fill with food. The boys played on the foosball table for a brief time, and then went to Nerf guns--first inside, then when they got too warm they went outside. They kept themselves busy for quite a while, then came in for cake.
I think they enjoyed themselves--they kept thanking me, whereas I thanked them in return. What's a party without guests? They made it. I love seeing Tim get older; life gets easier, and I think that's a nice return on the work of raising him to this point. In spite of the fairly wide age range, and the fact that not all of them knew each other to start with, they were all relating well all the way through. I am blessed! God is great. He keeps showing me, even though I already know it.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Obedience is Impossible!
The challenge about obedience is that it is impossible for me to do by myself. I remember a little three-year-old girl visiting and I asked her to go into the house because I couldn't watch her continually on the sidewalk. Her answer, convincing enough in her own mind, was, stamping her foot on the sidewalk, "But I don't WANT to!" Even though it sounded childish and unconvincing to me (and very reasonable to her), at the same time, it's the chant that I continually hear in my own mind when I am called to obedience. God doesn't call me to obedience in the things I already want to do; He calls me to obey where I don't want to. That's the thing that makes it obedience.
I remember one of our first churches, where one of my main impressions was that grace got trampled on quite a bit. People would continually say, "But we live in an era of grace." Hallelujah that we do! Still, in the New Testament, grace is not a reason to disobey and think that we are getting away with it. "Shall sin increase that grace may increase all the more? May it never be!" says Paul in his emphatic manner. May it never be! I should never trample on grace.
God calls me to obey in loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. The next thing is that I am to love my neighbor as I love myself. He says elsewhere that I am to honor all men, that I am to respect my husband, that I am to consider others as better than myself, that I am to obey authorities, that I am to forgive others 70 x 7 times. Then I quarrel, "What if they're not acting honorable?" "What if he's not acting respectable?" "What if they clearly aren't 'better' than myself--by what I can see?" "What if they've shown no remorse, no repentance, what if they haven't asked for forgiveness?" "What if the authorities are unreasonable?" God doesn't give me an out. He doesn't say, "...if they're worthy...if he's respectable...if they're better than you...if they're repentant...if they're reasonable." He just says to do it. He, after all, is the ultimate authority in my life, and He says to do it.
Obedience is hard--nay, it's impossible! I can't do it in my strength, because even if I do, then it's outward obedience and I'm chafing inside. I can only do it through Him. Nothing is impossible with God. So I must ask Him to help me, and then, only then, am I able to obey. Only then am I treating others as I want to be treated and fulfilling the second greatest commandment, to love my neighbor as I love myself.
I remember one of our first churches, where one of my main impressions was that grace got trampled on quite a bit. People would continually say, "But we live in an era of grace." Hallelujah that we do! Still, in the New Testament, grace is not a reason to disobey and think that we are getting away with it. "Shall sin increase that grace may increase all the more? May it never be!" says Paul in his emphatic manner. May it never be! I should never trample on grace.
God calls me to obey in loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. The next thing is that I am to love my neighbor as I love myself. He says elsewhere that I am to honor all men, that I am to respect my husband, that I am to consider others as better than myself, that I am to obey authorities, that I am to forgive others 70 x 7 times. Then I quarrel, "What if they're not acting honorable?" "What if he's not acting respectable?" "What if they clearly aren't 'better' than myself--by what I can see?" "What if they've shown no remorse, no repentance, what if they haven't asked for forgiveness?" "What if the authorities are unreasonable?" God doesn't give me an out. He doesn't say, "...if they're worthy...if he's respectable...if they're better than you...if they're repentant...if they're reasonable." He just says to do it. He, after all, is the ultimate authority in my life, and He says to do it.
Obedience is hard--nay, it's impossible! I can't do it in my strength, because even if I do, then it's outward obedience and I'm chafing inside. I can only do it through Him. Nothing is impossible with God. So I must ask Him to help me, and then, only then, am I able to obey. Only then am I treating others as I want to be treated and fulfilling the second greatest commandment, to love my neighbor as I love myself.
Monday, January 28, 2008
"I Don't Like How Emotions Make me Feel!"
That's the quote I heard while Tim was watching Jon & Kate + Eight (a tv show about a family with twins and then sextuplets--it's amazing, but it makes me tired). It's true, I hate emotions. Well, sort of. I hate negative emotions. (Duh. Don't we all?)
Yesterday our pastor asked me whether Katie was for real when she e-mailed and sounded like everything was going well. At first I didn't connect the confusion...then slowly I realized why he was wondering.
Katie had expressed lots of doubts on the phone to me that day. That day it felt awful to be separate from her and have so much feel undecided. One girl was leaving the school for good that day because of doubts about the department in which she had her major, the same major as Katie's--voicing the same doubts about it that Katie had come home with over Christmas.
Katie had gotten me doubting, too, mine snowballing onto her doubts, and the hardest part was that I didn't know a single one of the answers, didn't know where to find out, and wasn't there to help her with it: Was it the right college? Was it the right major? Should she take 18 credit hours, or drop a course? How many hours of work could she handle? How many hours of sleep could she justify whittling it down to each night? Should she change majors? I knew that Pastor Ken had asked her a couple of times why she had chosen that particular college. I know somewhat why he might have asked that question, since we'd started realizing that we might be developing some differences of biblical views from those of the college...yet it was the track we'd been on so long, and no college is perfect, and it was unthinkable to change at such a late date...
So in view of the "why that college" question that he had asked her, I thought it was appropriate to send him an e-mail regarding her doubts regarding the choice of college. I never have a lump in my throat; that was a notable feeling in putting my doubts into words. Doubt is one of those negative emotions, in my book. I was hoping that he might have some advice for us, some insight regarding the college question.
Still, I don't remember even being surprised that Katie so quickly recovered; I was just relieved that most of what she was wrestling with of her own from that point was more minor, and that she was back to sharing the (publicized) prayer requests of others. I understand, looking back, where she got some of her perspective about her doubts; it was those prayer requests. They have a way of making one's own troubles seem infinitesimal. How can a person even ponder their own minor doubts when compared to the extreme concerns of others?
Katie told me that she had come to accept that the student who left the college had the same doubts, but that the girl's decision to leave didn't mean leaving was the right decision for her. I'm so glad that she evaluated it for herself. I also feel convinced that her ability to cope with all the doubts and all the difficulties she does is because people are praying for her. We pray for her; our pastor does; and various people every Sunday are asking about her, keeping tabs on how she is doing.
I've never resided in a dorm, and I don't relate to how hard it must be; easy in some ways, and yet hard--meals are prepared, laundry is on-site, almost everything is available right there on campus, and her church is even adjacent to the property. There are friends right on hand, so there's lots of moral support and encouragement; yet there are people everywhere, so there is no privacy to speak of. Katie is very aware that the effort she puts forth in every subject in the present may affect so much for the future--eligibility in the short-term for very necessary scholarships, and possible job eligibilities in years to come. The pressure from this seems like an unfortunate burden to add to all that which is inherent to all that classwork and dorm life.
Still, by the grace of God, the happy things outweigh the hard things for Katie. She loves to be near her friends, this girl who was homeschooled and never quite clicked in her youth ministry all through her teen years. There are great students, professors, dorm counselors, and we even know some people off-campus who live nearby. She's got lots of moral support and more importantly prayer support. By God's grace also she has a pretty resilient tendency to see the bright side; our reminder to each other is "BJA, PC"--"Be joyful always, pray continually"--and she takes it to heart. She loves her classes this term, loves her profs, loves her work-study supervisor. How can so many things be so good, how can she do what-all she does? I can only attribute it to the power of all the prayer going up on her behalf, and God's grace.
In all of this, there's a reminder, something of a rebuke to myself--I need to update people with whom I share these requests, when their prayers are answered and it's time instead to praise God for His goodness; God is so good! Hallelujah! Amen.
Yesterday our pastor asked me whether Katie was for real when she e-mailed and sounded like everything was going well. At first I didn't connect the confusion...then slowly I realized why he was wondering.
Katie had expressed lots of doubts on the phone to me that day. That day it felt awful to be separate from her and have so much feel undecided. One girl was leaving the school for good that day because of doubts about the department in which she had her major, the same major as Katie's--voicing the same doubts about it that Katie had come home with over Christmas.
Katie had gotten me doubting, too, mine snowballing onto her doubts, and the hardest part was that I didn't know a single one of the answers, didn't know where to find out, and wasn't there to help her with it: Was it the right college? Was it the right major? Should she take 18 credit hours, or drop a course? How many hours of work could she handle? How many hours of sleep could she justify whittling it down to each night? Should she change majors? I knew that Pastor Ken had asked her a couple of times why she had chosen that particular college. I know somewhat why he might have asked that question, since we'd started realizing that we might be developing some differences of biblical views from those of the college...yet it was the track we'd been on so long, and no college is perfect, and it was unthinkable to change at such a late date...
So in view of the "why that college" question that he had asked her, I thought it was appropriate to send him an e-mail regarding her doubts regarding the choice of college. I never have a lump in my throat; that was a notable feeling in putting my doubts into words. Doubt is one of those negative emotions, in my book. I was hoping that he might have some advice for us, some insight regarding the college question.
Still, I don't remember even being surprised that Katie so quickly recovered; I was just relieved that most of what she was wrestling with of her own from that point was more minor, and that she was back to sharing the (publicized) prayer requests of others. I understand, looking back, where she got some of her perspective about her doubts; it was those prayer requests. They have a way of making one's own troubles seem infinitesimal. How can a person even ponder their own minor doubts when compared to the extreme concerns of others?
Katie told me that she had come to accept that the student who left the college had the same doubts, but that the girl's decision to leave didn't mean leaving was the right decision for her. I'm so glad that she evaluated it for herself. I also feel convinced that her ability to cope with all the doubts and all the difficulties she does is because people are praying for her. We pray for her; our pastor does; and various people every Sunday are asking about her, keeping tabs on how she is doing.
I've never resided in a dorm, and I don't relate to how hard it must be; easy in some ways, and yet hard--meals are prepared, laundry is on-site, almost everything is available right there on campus, and her church is even adjacent to the property. There are friends right on hand, so there's lots of moral support and encouragement; yet there are people everywhere, so there is no privacy to speak of. Katie is very aware that the effort she puts forth in every subject in the present may affect so much for the future--eligibility in the short-term for very necessary scholarships, and possible job eligibilities in years to come. The pressure from this seems like an unfortunate burden to add to all that which is inherent to all that classwork and dorm life.
Still, by the grace of God, the happy things outweigh the hard things for Katie. She loves to be near her friends, this girl who was homeschooled and never quite clicked in her youth ministry all through her teen years. There are great students, professors, dorm counselors, and we even know some people off-campus who live nearby. She's got lots of moral support and more importantly prayer support. By God's grace also she has a pretty resilient tendency to see the bright side; our reminder to each other is "BJA, PC"--"Be joyful always, pray continually"--and she takes it to heart. She loves her classes this term, loves her profs, loves her work-study supervisor. How can so many things be so good, how can she do what-all she does? I can only attribute it to the power of all the prayer going up on her behalf, and God's grace.
In all of this, there's a reminder, something of a rebuke to myself--I need to update people with whom I share these requests, when their prayers are answered and it's time instead to praise God for His goodness; God is so good! Hallelujah! Amen.
It's a Small World After All!
Just recently I've been discovering that there are some amazing women blogging on line. They do some phenomenal website management complete with photos and then all sorts of bells and whistles that I don't comprehend. So mine is looking increasingly plain and undecorated in comparison...(sigh)...but anyway, in the reading of them I feel like I'm gaining some new friends. Mostly a bit younger than I am, seemingly more all-together than I am, definitely more creative and clever, but I think I can like them anyway. Shows how tolerant I am, don't you think?
Most of them have a whole list of other blogs something like their own, and I visit the top one on the list, and that one has a list, and I go to that one, and I realize in the process that I'm probably missing about 24 on each list as I go on. Oh well. I don't have that kind of time anyway (though today was good--my son was playing in the snow and it was a day off for him, and sort of for me as well; I got extra housekeeping done and did some blog-reading!). I will have to be careful that it doesn't turn into some sort of addiction for me.
The amazing thing is, I just today found a contingent from my own town, my own hometown where I now live (for the present, anyway)! And my own age range, as well. That is amazing, considering most of the people I have known personally who blog are in the 18-30 age range. I'm no longer a female middle-aged version of the Lone Ranger.
It's a small world after all. A small, happy, blogging-Christian-woman inhabited world. God is great! (But of course, we knew that, didn't we?)
Most of them have a whole list of other blogs something like their own, and I visit the top one on the list, and that one has a list, and I go to that one, and I realize in the process that I'm probably missing about 24 on each list as I go on. Oh well. I don't have that kind of time anyway (though today was good--my son was playing in the snow and it was a day off for him, and sort of for me as well; I got extra housekeeping done and did some blog-reading!). I will have to be careful that it doesn't turn into some sort of addiction for me.
The amazing thing is, I just today found a contingent from my own town, my own hometown where I now live (for the present, anyway)! And my own age range, as well. That is amazing, considering most of the people I have known personally who blog are in the 18-30 age range. I'm no longer a female middle-aged version of the Lone Ranger.
It's a small world after all. A small, happy, blogging-Christian-woman inhabited world. God is great! (But of course, we knew that, didn't we?)
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